Social Suicide

The Confession

I took my usual seat in the corner of the cafeteria at lunch and smiled at April as she walked passed me on the way toward her table. The girl she was with whispered something in April's ear and snickered before they both walked away. She hadn't even acknowledged me.

I wasn't going to deal with April's drama today. I honestly couldn't care less about the fact i was being ignored-- i had other things to deal with.

I angrily shoved my ear-buds into my ears and shuffled the songs. Of all the music i had on my phone, 'What Do You Want From Me'  by Adam Lambert came on. I laughed, skipped the song and dug into my lunch.

Halfway through my lonely lunch, the empty bench on the other side of the table was suddenly occupied with a small girl-- brunette hair and beautiful eyes. April of course.

"Aren't you going to apologise?" She asked rudely. 

I just shot her a questioning glance, because i knew April didn't care about her birthday.

"You didn't even try to see me last night. I was waiting for you to convince me and sweep me off my feet-- not to mention you didn't even wish me a genuine happy birthday."

"I can't deal with the drama right now but i am sorry. I don't even know what i'm sorry for actually, the part where i thought i had a chance with you or maybe the part where i spilled my heart and soul out to you. Or maybe it was the part where i couldn't afford to take you out on a date because i didn't have the money. Whatever it is i'm supposed to be sorry for, i'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything-- especially confiding in you in the first place. I knew falling for a girl like you would only make things harder for me and guess what April, my first and only friendship is probably going to end in a fight all because i couldn't afford to take you out. I didn't want to tell you because it was your special day and all but you didn't even take into consideration that was the case. You just throw a hissy fit because--"

I was interrupted by the snickers in the room. I realised that I had my earphones in and was talking fairly loud.

"What a loser, can't afford to take his gilfriend out on a date."

"She wouldn't go out with him anyway, what's the difference?" I heard people saying when the song i was listening to ended and there was a long pause before the next one started.

I stood up and looked at April-- who to my astonishment was smiling at me as if this were a joke.

"You know what April, forget it. You're not the girl i thought you were and you definitely aren't worth my time." I grabbed my things and walked out of the now silent cafeteria. She hadn't even bothered to stop me. What had gotten into her-- i didn't know but i sure as hell wasn't going to waste my time on her.

I proceeded to the toilets where no one was and found myself sitting in the end cubical eating my lunch. I only ate it because i was fortunate enough to even get lunch today. I finished eating the remains of my sandwich and sat there thinking.

The April out in the cafeteria today was not the April i was used to. This was someone different. She knew she had me wrapped around her finger so when the time was right she showed her true colours to me. Part of me wanted to just forget anything happened and just continue being friends but something in April had changed and even if we did continue with our friendship, she probably wouldn't be the person i wanted her to be.

Shakespeare once said 'expectation is the root of all heartache.' 

When you became too attached to someone, you suddenly had expectations of them that they somehow do not fulfill which I've only learnt leads to disappointment.