Silent Screams

Free Write 6

Do you like me or just the thought of me?

Constantly, I am reminded that the thought of me is more than I actually am.

You see, when it's just the thought of me, you can create any scenario you'd like. I can be the damsel in distress, or I could save you. I could do what she did.

But then there's the reality of who I am. I am not easy to please, nor am I easy to talk to. I talk too much and concentrate on myself, even when I'm not trying. Everything I do leads back to being the second choice, the replacement.

I resemble her. Similar hair, similar height- things I never thought of before now. Now that I know I do, I will never be able to shake that from my head. I'm closer to a replacement than I am to an upgrade or new toy.

I've been told that it was your fault; you caused that mess. I don't worry about us; I know it will be me who ruins us in the end. I am fickle and hypocritical. I romanticize myself and my evil and forget to try and live. Instead of living, I'm fascinated with dying. I don't want to die a hero or a notable death, but I don't want to live.

I am nothingness in its simplest form. The feeling of cold where no blankets can make it better. The feeling of loneliness when standing next to your friends. I am all of that and more, and yet I am not that nor am I anything.

If she's the sun, I am a star galaxies away. I am not the moon, for it is thought of as a beauty itself. Perhaps you are the moon, getting your light from hers, for mine is too far away to share. I am unimportant; I am not fascinating.

You simply like the thought of me, because you can think of me as her.