Silent Screams

Free Write 5

Love is a scary word. A powerful, frightening word that can do so many things.

I don't understand how you can lie about loving someone. How can you think you love someone when you don't? I know when I love people, and I don't tell people that I don't love that I love them. I refuse to be the idiot who ruins someone, because I've had too many people ruin me.

Love is such a powerful word. And often, it is said much too soon. I will not lie and say I love someone if I don't love them, but I will not wait once I know.

Using the word love has consequences we often forget. What happens once you tell someone that you love them? They will feel obligated to say it back if they don't truly love you. If that happens? You're the one who's screwed. If they love you back, then you're both fucked. One of you will mess up, and you might not be able to fix it. You'll end up remembering when they said, "I love you," and now it's just a lie: they never meant it. So we burn and let our minds perish. When they said they loved you, they were lying. They told you a lie that should never be told, and now you can't trust anyone who tells you that. No, not again.

There are few people I will say that to. If I said I love you, then I meant I loved them. It's because I know how you can fall out of love or end up not loving someone forever, that I'm reasonable with my use of it. I've been on both sides of this, and both made me feel like shit. I fucked up on both sides. On the side that I was lied to, I sat in sadness for nights on end. On the side in which I was the "liar", I watched the person silently as they crossed the hall, as they walked past me. And yet, I am still foolish enough to sometimes say "I love you" to new people.