Seems Like A Lifetime

Damn Regret

"Spencer, what happened to you?" She asked with sadness in her voice. Not exactly what I was expecting.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Spence, you know what I'm talking about. After high school I didn't hear from you or seeyou. I wrote you everyday for a year and you never wrote back. I called you every single day and you never once returned my phone call. After that night, you basically deserted me." she said almost in tears.

"And I'm sorry for that Ashley, I truly am but you have to understand, the feelings that we had for each other, the feelings I had for you, they were confusing, I didn't understand what was happening to me, so I ran from it." I replied.

"Don't you think I was confused too. I was confused as hell, I had so many emotions running through my head at the time I didn't know what to do. But you ran out and every time I tried to come over and see you to talk about it you avoided me."

"Ashley, did you know that you were my first kiss."

"Spencer, I know and thats why it was so special to me and I ..."

"Wait let me finish. You were my first kiss and every single night after that kiss I dreamed about you, for six years Ashley, I dreamed about you and that kiss. What was I supposed to do?"

"You could have told me how you felt Spencer!"

"And then what? We could have been together?"

"I," she started.

"Ashley my mom was a homophobic, if she would have found out she would have killed us both, and she would have disowned me."

"We could have kept it a secret."

"Whats the point of being with the person you love if you have to keep it a secret?" I asked, now almost in tears.

"How could not be with the one you love in fear of what others might think or say?" She asked almost yelling.

"You don't understand how," I'm choking on my words from the tears.

Ashley grabbed me and wrapped her arms around me.

"I'm sorry Spencer." she said over and over.

But I kept crying.

"Spencer please stop crying," she begged lifting my head up so she could look into my eyes. "I'm sorry, but I'm in love with you and I have been since forever, I just didn't know how to tell you." she said wiping the tears from my eyes. "Spencer, I love you." she said again.

I didn't know what to say.

I'm married with two beautiful children and I love my family dearly, I do, but Troy has never been and never will be able to fill that hole in my heart , the hole that Ashley left , the hole that only Ashley can fill.

We stared into each other's eyes.

I'm so confused.

So many emotions are running through my head.

Ashley bit her bottom lip and I knew what she wanted.

I shouldn't

I'm married.

She leaned in closer tome.

I really shouldn't.

But I want to so badly.

She moved closer.

I really really shouldn't.

Our lips touched.

I thrown into a pool of mixed emotions.

I love her so much, I always have, but I'm married.

Her lips are so warm and soft and her touch is so gentle.