Seems Like A Lifetime

Dirty Little Secret

The next morning I awoke in her arms.

I thought maybe it had been a dream, but it was real, I'd finally had the girl I'd always wanted.

I quickly realized that I had a family back in Ohio, a family that loves me and believe me I love them but I love her also.

I laid there still so I wouldn't wake her just thinking about everything what would I do, what should I do.

If I leave Troy, I fear that he'll take my kids away from me and I just wouldn't be able to live if that happened.

I love my kids so much.

"Hey you," she said smiling at me.

"Hey," I replied smiling back.

"How'd you sleep?" she asked getting up.

"Good. Really good. What time is the party?" I asked.

"Um, I think eight so if you want we could do something, maybe lunch and a movie or something." she said pulling her shirt down over her head.

"Um, actually, I told my mom I would come by today." I said putting my pants on.

"Oh, okay, um I guess I'll just see you tonight then." She said with sadness in her voice.

"You know what, I can do lunch." I said walking over and kissing her.

"Okay. She replied smiling. "I'm just gonna go freshen up."

"Okay, I'll see you in a bit." I walked down the hall to the room and shut the door.

I hadn't been this happy in almost 10 years.

I have to leave him.

I have to leave my husband.

I freshened up and we went to lunch.

It was wonderful, I felt like we were an actual couple, something we've both wanted for so long.

"Mom, I'm here." I said walking into my moms house.

Luis was there, he creeps me out, he's always like lurking around so to speak and staring, its really creepy.

"I'm in the kitchen honey." She yelled.

"Hey mom, what you doing?" I asked walking into the kitchen.

"I'm getting dinner started," she replied.

"But it's only two, it's not like you have to cook for five people, well six because Ashley was always over." I said smiling.

"I know, I just like having everything done by six." she replied.

"Oh, Okay." I replied.

"So, what are you doing here?

I thought you had that thing today." she said tossing some asparagus into a skillet.

"I just wanted to come by and see you, you know my plane leaves at ten tomorrow so I probably wont be able to stop before I leave." I said.

"Oh, what did you want to talk about?"

"Um, I don't know." I said sitting down at the table.

"Yeah you do sweetie, you made an effort to come over here so you have something in particular you want to talk about," she said looking into the oven to check on her roast.

She always did make enough food to feed an army even when it was only her and I.

"Mom, I need to tell you something I just want to know that things won't change between us." I said looking down at the floor.

"What is it sweetie?" she asked taking the pan off the stove and coming to sit next to me at the table.

"Are you and Troy having problems, because you know all marriages have problems but you just have to stick with it, it'll get better." she said.

I couldn't believe, her, of all people was giving me the marriage speech.

"Troy and I are fine mom. It's about Ashley." I started, not knowing whether or not I should finish.

"Is everything okay? Is she okay?" she asked sincerely concerned.

"She's fine mom. Look, I wanted to tell you this a long time ago I just wasn't sure how you'd react you know, I mean you were always kind of homophobic." I said realizing it came out completely wrong.

"What's this about Spencer," she said standing up.

"Mom, I'm sorry that came out wrong."

Apart of me figured that she'd always known that I was in love with Ashley, I mean it was obvious, we spent every single moment together that we could, we held hands and we hugged a lot. Once she walked in on us hugging and she freaked it was ridiculous.

"Spencer..." she said sounding confused.

"Mom, Ashley and I, we..." For some reason I couldn't say it. I wanted to tell her, I wanted to get this off my chest, I wanted to know if she could except me for me. I tried again. "Mom, Ashley and I are, we're..." Again, I couldn't do it.

The look on her face, she looked as though she was in pain, like she knew what I was going to say and it hurt her even before I said it. But she's my mom and if she can't except me for me then... I decided I'd do it.

"Mom, I love Ashley, I always have, and not as a friend, we'll not only as friend. I love her, I'm in love with her and I'm going to leave Troy to be with her." I said all in one breath.

She looked as though someone has just stabbed her in the heart and she was trying to get her breath but couldn't. "Mom," I said standing up. I tried to touch her and she moved her hand away.

I couldn't believe it, my own mother.

"Leave." she said softly.

I had to make sure I heard her right.

"What?" I asked hoping she didn't say what I thought she said.

"Leave my house, leave my house right now." she said in a slightly louder voice. I was in shock and couldn't move. "LEAVE!" she yelled.

I took a deep breath realizing this was real, she wanted me to leave her home, the home I grew up in, my own mother.

I took a step towards the kitchen door.

Would this be the last time I spoke to my mother.

The last time I saw her?

I turned and took one last glance at her, she was crying, I made her cry.

My love for Ashley made her cry.

Then it hit me, I took a long hard look at her and memorized her face because it could be the last time I see it.

I left, I got in my car and I drove.

My heart was breaking with each mile I drove.

My own mother...