Seems Like A Lifetime

Make this go on forever

I knocked on the door.

"Come in," she said in a soft voice.

I opened the door, she was laying on the bed watching t.v.

"What's up Spence?" she asked not turning her head from the t.v.

"Um, nothing I just, I don't know, I'm not tired so I came to see if you wanted to talk or something." I said.

"Sure," she said sitting up. "What about?"

"I don't know, anything you want to ask me? I mean, it has been ten years.

"Okay, uh, hows married life? It is just like on t.v?" she asked smiling.

"No, not even close. But it's good, I love my kids, they're my everything." I replied.

"What about your husband, whats he like?" she asked.

"He's a good guy, and he loves me a lot." I replied.

"Good. So how old are your kids?"

"Well Troy Jr. is 5 and Megan is 3." I said reaching into my pocket and pulling out a picture and handing it to her.

"Awe, they're adorable," she looking at the picture.

"Thanks," I replied.

"I mean but who wouldn't be with you as their mother," she added.

I felt myself blush.

"You're blushing Spence," she said smiling.

"Am not," I said playfully.

"Are too," she said back.

"I can still make you blush, I take that as a good sign." she said looking straight into my eyes.

"Ashley..." I started.

"Spencer, I know what I said earlier but you're here and I'm not sure if I can keep my promise." she said moving closer to me.

"Ashley, don't." I begged.

"Spencer you wanna know something?" she asked.

"Yeah," I replied.

"Remember when we were in the seventh grade and we were at my house and I had called you in the bathroom because I was freaking out about my growing breast?" she asked.

"Do I." I replied.

"Well that day, I wanted so badly to kiss you, I was going to actually but Aiden walked in and ruined everything. I was so mad at him I picked fights with him for no reason that day. I kept thinking that if he hadn't walked in I would have done it and maybe just maybe things would have been different. But we'll never know will we." she said in a monotone voice.

She looked as though she was about to cry.

"Ashley I'm sorry I left and I'm sorry that I didn't write you back or return your phone calls, but it wasn't because I didn't love you, it was because I did and I know that makes no sense but you have to trust me, our life would have been hell if we would have gotten together." I said trying to fight the tears that were forming in my eyes.

"Spencer, I'm gay, after high school I came out, I don't care about what other people think of me, the only thing I care about is you. Spence you wanna know why I went with all those guys throughout high school. It was because I was in love with you and I knew that, there was no escaping it, I wanted to be with you, but I wasn't sure If you felt the same way about me, so I went with them to try and fill the hole you left in my heart, but I never did, and after you left things just got worse for me. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't do anything for almost a year. I just wanted to hear your voice, or see your handwriting, something that I could hold on to, something that connected me to you for a little bit longer. I'll never get over you Spencer, I just don't think its possible." She said wiping the tears from her cheeks.

"Ashley, I'm married, I have to think about my children. Do you think this is easy for me, I cried everyday for a year over you, I never ever stopped loving you, I just I gave in to society and my mother. And now I have to beautiful children who love their father and I can't take them away from him and I can't live without them."

"I'm not asking you to Spence, I just, I need to be with you, even if that means I have to share you."

I couldn't believe my ears, what do I say to that.

"Ashley, we'd never see each other, I live all the way in Ohio remember."

"I'll move there if that's what it takes."

"Ashley... " I couldn't fight the tears any longer.

She grabbed me and held me trying to calm me.

With no luck.

She just didn't get it. I've waited almost 17 years for this moment, the moment that can't happen now because things, time, life, just doesn't permit.

Since I was eleven I wanted her to ask me to be her girlfriend, but I'm married now.

Even though I love her way more than I love my husband, I have to think about my kids and how will this affect them.

I cleared my head, I made all the thoughts go away and gave in.

I kissed her and she kissed me back.

At that moment nothing else in the world mattered, nothing else existed, it was just us, here and now.

She laid me back on the bed, God how I've waited for this moment.

I couldn't believe it was finally happening.

I was making love to her, after 17 years it was finally happening.

I drifted to another place, I was in ecstasy...