Seems Like A Lifetime

You're All I Have!

I went into my children's room to find my husband packing their things into a suitcase.

"Troy can we just talk about this please?" I begged.

"Whats there to talk about Spencer, you're in love with a girl." he said almost yelling.

"Quiet Troy, the kids are downstairs." I told him.

"What? You don't want them to know their mother is a lesbian?" he said with hate in his voice.

"Troy it's not like that, my love has no gender. I fell in love with you Troy, I did, but I've been in love with Ashley since I was eleven and there's just no use in running away from my feelings anymore. I didn't want to hurt you Troy I swear I didn't but I didn't want to live this lie anymore." I said walking over to him.

He moved back as though I had some kind of disease or something.

"Spencer, look go to L.A and help your friend or girlfriend or whatever she is and when you get back you'll be hearing from my lawyer." he said not even looking at me.

"Troy, can't we settle this without lawyers and courts and judges, think about kids." I said with sadness in my voice hoping he would consider my plea.

"I am." he said grabbing the suitcase off the bed and walking out of the room.

I sat down on the floor and began to cry, because I know exactly how society works, if we take this thing to court Troy is going to win. I mean he has a good job, technically this is his house, he pays for daycare and food and everything basically, not to mention the court probably will take my choice of a life partner into account, I'm just so scared of losing my children. I got up and walked outside where my husband well ex-husband I guess was loading TJ and Meg, my babies, into the car.

"Mommy, Mommy, are you coming with us?" Meagan asked me.

She's only 3 she wont understand any of this.

"No baby, mommy's not coming with you, but I'll see you later okay." I said kissing her on the forehead.

"Okay mommy." she said grabbing her teddy bear that I gave her for her first birthday off the seat and hugging it in her arms.

"Can I just have a second with him?" I asked Troy as he was about to put TJ into the car.

Why am I even asking he's my son too.

"Yeah, sure." he answered.

I walked over to the stairs with TJ and we sat down. I could feel the tears building in my eyes.

"Mommy are you and daddy getting a divorce?" he asked me.

How do you tell a five year old something like that.

"Mommy loves you, you know that don't you kiddo?" I asked him feeling the tears fall down my cheek.

He shook is head yes.

"You're going to go stay at Auntie Billie's house for a while, but mommy will be back in a couple days and then you guys are going to come back home okay?"

"Okay. Mommy are you a lesbian?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"Sweetie where did you hear that from?" I asked. "I heard daddy telling Auntie Billie that you were a lesbian and that you were going back home to be with your lover."

"Sweetie I," I started.

"Mommy are you coming back?" he asked.

"Of course sweetie, I'm going to come back and get you and your sister and we're going to go visit grandma Carlin in L.A. How does that sound?"

"Okay." he said jumping up and hugging me then running and getting in the car.

They both waved to me as Troy drove off not even looking back, he was serious he would do everything in his power to take my kids away from me.

The next day I got up, went to the airport.

I arrived in L.A around 2 p.m.

It's Thursday, three days before the funeral and I'm a wreck.

The whole thing with my kids and Troy, has exhausted me.

I pulled up in front of Ashley's house realizing that I needed to get myself together before going in because she needs me to be strong for her, she just lost her father, the one person in the world that understood her the most, the first one to accept her for who she was and the one she confided in about everything.

I went up to the door and knocked, Aiden answered.

"Hey Spence, she's up in her room, she hasn't come out since she found out, and she hasn't eaten either." he said sadly.

"Okay, I'll go up." I went up to her room.

"Ash," I said opening the door. She was laying on the bed on her side.

"Ashley." I said walking over to her.

She wasn't asleep, but she wasn't moving.

Her hair was a mess and she had dried up mascara going down her cheeks from crying.

"Ashley sweetie." I said laying down next to her.

"You have to get up, this isn't healthy, you need to eat something." She didn't say anything she didn't even look at me.

I figured why tell her things she already knows, so I decided to change the subject.

"I told Troy that I wanted a divorce, he was so pissed and get this he thinks that I'm going to let him take my children away from me, he is so out of his mind. Oh and I was thinking about going over to my mother's house tomorrow and having a talk with her, well I plan on doing all the talking so. Oh and how about my son asked me was I a lesbian yesterday, he's five how does he even know what that means, I think I need to cut down his t.v time."

She still didn't say anything.

"Oh and um, I'm so going to have to find a job now, good thing I got a college degree or that might be really hard." I joked hoping it might put a smile on her face, even if just for a second. It did.

"Spence," she started.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"You came back." she said.

"Yeah, I did."

"Ashley," I started.

"Yeah?"

"You stink." I said jokingly.

"I know." she said sort of laughing.

"Come on lets get you in the shower and something to eat." I helped her up and into the bathroom, I then helped her out of her clothes and into the shower.

After she got out the shower she came back into the bedroom looking like her beautiful old self again.

I got up to leave to get her something to eat.

"Spence, can you just stay with me please?" she asked.

"I was just going to fix you something to eat."

"Could you just stay with me?" She said laying down on the bed.

"Um, okay." I said laying down next to her.

She cuddled her head into my neck and I wrapped my arms around her.

We both drifted off to sleep.