As The Rain Falls

Never Getting Better

You probably feel like you're never getting better. Whether it's a sport, an illness, a fear, or something that affects everything, such as depression or anxiety. The truth is, that it does get better, and you know that, but that doesn't change how it feels right now. That doesn't change how it felt last year, or the year before that. That doesn't change anything. "It'll get better in the end." "You'll make it through this." everyone will tell you, but why hasn't anything changed? Maybe when you think about it, your problems are pretty insignificant compared to what other people have to deal with, but they aren't insignificant. Not right now. Not to you. You try to knock down whatever it is that's in your way, but it seems to keep popping back up, and it is. But that doesn't mean it's unstoppable. You can't knock down an entire wall with a single punch, you have to remove a brick and the rest will stand, remove a couple more, and eventually, the whole thing will fall down. You can shatter a wall with a wrecking ball, but all sorts of shards and unbroken pieces will remain. Those pieces will rebuild themselves slowly overtime, and eventually the problem will be back. It seems impossible to beat, but I can promise you it isn't. Instead, focus on little pieces, then entire things, then start off on the next little piece. Keep trying, eventually the wall will be gone. Whatever problem it is you are having, whatever it is that keeps you from being 100% everyday, after you knock down that wall, clear it and finally have it gone, those determined little builders called self doubt will rebuild it. You just have to keep trying. You won't wake up tomorrow perfectly ok, but if you try, you'll wake up slightly better each day. It might be so slight of a change that you won't even notice it since the entire problem is so huge and consuming, but trust me, you are getting better. One day, that problem will be gone. Maybe the next year something else will come up and you'll see it as a never ending circle. But don't worry, it's not. If you can beat one thing, you can beat another. If you've beaten nothing and none of my words have any effect, that it's all the same thing that never works, all the same inspirational speeches that never actually do anything, I know that. But you will beat this, just keep going.

If you choose to kill yourself however, you have lost. Sometimes suicide is viewed as "the easy way out", but it's not. Suicide is the hardest route possible. If you're strong enough to consider it, you're strong enough to beat it. It might seem to forever eliminate the pain, which it does, it also forever eliminates the future. It causes the day it was gone to never happen. It causes the family you would've had to not exist. Anything you would have done will never have happen. You may think that's ok, at least the pain is gone, but you'll never help anyone else who goes through it. You'll never get to experience the day you and your lover ran around together and smiled. You never will hold the hand of the little boy or girl walking to school. You will never make anyone smile or laugh again. Suicide is not the answer. Keep trying, you'll make it.