How To Kidnap Patrick Stump (and Dan Howell)

Chapter 1

Patrick rubbed his eyes and shuffled into his ensuite bathroom, yawning. It was only 7:00 am and he would usually still be fast asleep at this time, but he and the band had a long day of travelling ahead of them. Touring was hard work.

After brushing his teeth, Patrick dressed in his standard outfit and was just about to walk out of the room when he realised he'd forgotten his fedora. He usually kept it under his pillow, but it wasn't there.

"Holy smokes," he muttered under his breath.

After five minutes of frantic searching, Patrick still hadn't found it. But he knew he couldn't leave the hotel without his precious hat. Sighing, he decided to meet his band mates for breakfast and look for it again afterwards.

Patrick opened his door when suddenly Pete came charging into him.

"Woah, sorry buddy," said Pete.

"It's no problem," Patrick said politely.

"Hey, man, I found this on the floor in my room," said Pete. He was holding up Patrick's fedora.

"Oh, thanks Pete," said Patrick, breathing a heavy sigh of relief.

***

Patrick and Pete found Joe and Andy downstairs, Andy already tucking into his special vegan cereal. Joe was staring intently at the towering stack of pancakes in front of him in a daze.

"Hi guys," said Pete, picking up a menu.

Patrick called over a waitress and asked politely for some toast and marmalade.

***

Just as Patrick was being served, he suddenly heard a scream.

He spun around quickly, almost knocking over his glass of juice.

"What happened? Is everyone alright?" He asked in a panic.

But what he saw was a girl, probably about 14 years old, staring at him like he was Jesus.

A fangirl.

Patrick knew what that meant.

He had to run.

Patrick hurriedly pushed back his chair and made a break for the stairs.

Thank goodness the fangirl still seemed to be frozen.

Patrick had managed to escape to his room, but only just. The fangirl was fast and had almost caught him.

Breathing heavily, Patrick wondered if he ought to renew his gym membership.

As he sat on the bed, he suddenly realised that he wasn't wearing his fedora.

Oh no, he thought. It must have fallen off while I was running.

Then the most alarming thought yet - Maybe the fangirl has it.

Patrick felt himself starting to panic but forced himself to try and keep calm. He needed his sense of poise and rationality if he wanted to keep the fangirl situation from escalating.

Patrick ran a hand through his hair. He missed his fedora already.