How To Kidnap Patrick Stump (and Dan Howell)

Chapter 4

The fangirls had been gone for about five minutes and Patrick was wondering where they'd got to. The ropes around his wrists were beginning to cut off the circulation.

"So," said Patrick. "What brought you here to the US?"

"Uh, we were, um... looking for places for me and Phil to stay on the USA TATINOF tour," said Dan, seeming flustered. Patrick wondered why.

"Ah," said Patrick. "Me and the band are on tour. We're supposed to be going to the UK to perform tonight, but, I guess we're going to have to cancel, unfortunately."

"Fangirls." said Dan, sighing. "Me and Phil know just how crazy they can get. Although, I must say that being kidnapped is a first." Patrick noticed how Dan's eyes lit up when he said Phil's name.

Then the fangirls came back, and there was no more time to talk. They were carrying what looked like huge tons of merchandise.

Oh no, thought Patrick, they're going to make us sign it. Or worse.

Patrick now had a huge stack of CDs, posters and another random assortment of Fall Out Boy merchandise in front of him. Dan's pile was only worse. The ropes had been untied for now, thank god, but he thought that he should make the most of it.

He and Dan were instructed to sign every single piece of it. The girls watched them like hawks the whole time.

***

After they had finished, Patrick's hands were aching like they never had before. Dan looked like he felt the same.

***

The fangirls left at one point to go and get food. It was then that the most unexpected thing happened.

There was suddenly a flurry at the window, which had been left slightly open. All Patrick could see at first was a bunch of ruffled brown feathers but then he saw what it was.

An eagle. An eagle was trying to get into the room.

Dan screamed and almost tipped his chair over.

"What the-" Patrick exclaimed as the large bird of prey fought it's way inside.

Dan was cowering down in his chair, as far as he could get. Patrick couldn't help but laugh, even though he was a little scared himself.

The eagle has got into the room and flew straight for Patrick. He gasped in shock and tried to duck.

But then Patrick felt something drop into his lap. It had come from the eagle. Looking down at his lap, he saw a piece of paper folded up. A message. Delivered by the eagle.

The massive bird swiftly exited before it could do anything else.

Patrick looked at the paper again before realising that he had no way of unfolding and reading it.

"Damn it," he cursed under his breath.

Dan was still breathing heavily after the intrusion. He hadn't noticed what the eagle had left for them yet.

"Okay. So, how do I open it?" said Patrick.

Dan looked up, then shrugged. "No idea."

"Helpful."

Patrick stared at it for a few seconds before realising that that wasn't going to do anything.

Unable to come up with a better idea, he leaned over and tried to grab a bit of the paper in his teeth. It was harder than he'd thought it would be. A lot harder.

Once he'd finally got it, he gently pulled it over the fold so the paper was half open. Now he just had to do that again.

Dan laughed. Patrick hadn't taken into consideration how stupid he must look. He shook his head, trying not to smile.

Once he'd got the paper open, the message turned out to be rather a disappointment.

Where are you? Remember the
concert tonight? Come back quick.
-Pete