Let Me Love You

Anger Issues

You haven't left your apartment in 2 weeks. You shut off your phone, and you even stopped talking to Chelsea. Not like she was around much anyways, Vernon got her a spot as a photographer at their shows. She tried getting you to go, hoping you could work things out with Woozi, but that only sparked an argument. You haven't talked to her since. Its like you're stuck. All you feel is numb, and it scared you. Its how you felt after the shooting incident. Ha, you used to barely be able to say the word shooting, and now you don't even flinch at it. What was wrong with you? You sat on the couch, a bottle of alcohol in your hand. You laughed at yourself, how pathetic can you be? You took a swig from the bottle, the alcohol burning your throat. If your stupid ankle wasn't fucked up, you'd go out. Anger built up in your chest, and you let out a scream, throwing the bottle at the wall. You didn't even move as the glass shattered against the wall, the contents of the bottle sliding down the wall. You stood up, clumsily walking to grab another bottle. Just as you had opened it, the doorbell rang. To answer or to not answer? You giggled, walking to open the door.

"Who issss itttttt?" You said in a sing-song voice. "Rae, open the god damn door." The voice was deep and sounded frustrated. Sliding the door open, you grinned very widely at a sober Jiyong. "Welcome to my humble abode! Please enter." You bowed as he stalked inside, laughing loudly as you shut the door. "Whats going on? Chelsea called me, and-" You cut him off, feeling anger build up again. "Oh, no no no. I'm not going to answer to you. You're going to tell me why the fuck you decided to keep being a famous person or whatever from me. How could you? I told you about me almost dying for fucks sake!" He flinched as you said that, but you kept going. "You couldn't have mentioned that to me? You're the only person I have ever told about this. Not even the therapists I saw got it out of me. NO ONE BUT YOU, JI. I TOLD YOU SOMETHING I'VE BEEN BURYING FOR SO LONG. AND YOU KEEP THAT FROM ME?" You paused, taking a long swig from the bottle still in your hand. "You know, sometimes  I wish I was never found. I wish that guy who happened to be walking home never called 911. I wish that they couldn't have saved me. I'll just cut to the chase, I wish I was dead." You took another long swig, and all Jiyong did was stare at you. "Nothing to say? Then leave. The door is right there." He stood up, walking over to you and grabbing your wrist.

"You shouldn't be doing this to yourself." He grabbed the bottle from your hand, and threw it away. You chuckled, pointing to the wall. "I made a small mess over there." Ji looked at you, before walking over and picking up the glass. While he was distracted, you walked into the kitchen, grabbing your last bottle. You took a long chug, but before you could put the bottle back to your lips, you were turned around. "Oh, hi Ji." He reached for the bottle, but this time you fought back. "Leave me alone! Its my last bottle!" That didn't stop him, as he grabbed your wrist rather tightly, and grabbed the bottle from you. "Hey!" You started angrily pounding your small fists against his chest, yelling at him to give you your bottle back. He just turned around, feeling you hit his back now. After he had threw the bottle away, he grabbed your wrists, and you struggled against him. "Stop doing this! Why do you- why-" You cut yourself off, and started sobbing. You fell against Jiyong's chest, and cried. He picked you up bridal style, carrying you to your room. "Rae.. why are you doing this to yourself?"

"I needed to feel something.. the numbness, it was consuming me. No one was here to stop me anyways." You stopped crying, giving Ji a mean stare. "Why did you decide to show up, superstar?" He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I.. I didn't want to tell you because you were the first person I've met who didn't know who I was. And it was so.. refreshing, knowing I could talk to someone who thought of me as a normal guy. They've been giving me many breaks lately, so I can rest. I don't know when I'll be going back to working yet.. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I should've but I was being stupid. Rae I am so sorry." The anger never seemed to end, it just kept growing and growing. You quickly stood up, getting in his face. "Sorry my ass. Fuck off Jiyong. Go do whatever famous people do and let me stay alone in my apartment and destroy myself, like anybody gives a damn anyways." You started laughing, continuing. "Ya know, Woozi hasn't even called me? Hasn't even tried. Chels gave up after about a week. I might as well just not be here. You probably came around just for the hell of it, to screw with me. No one really cares about me."