The Queen of pain (Anakin Skywalker Story)

The first bad sign

'I cant love! I cant love! A jedi is not allowed to love!' That was the thing I kept saying myself over long-long years, but my feelings for Anakin just wouldn't fade away. Sometimes I hoped it will, but to be honest, I needed it. That was the only thing I really felt, and even if I was a jedi, this feeling was the thing that made me wake up in the mornings, not the glory of the 'good side'.

But things have never been easy for me. I was often tyred. Too often, and it made me worryed sometimes, sometimes it was hard to feel the power inside me. The power I got without wanting it, the power that forced me into lies and unhappyness. It didn't give me anything good.

I was a jedi. Yes. But deep inside my heart, I hated myself for beeing one.

'Are you ready?' I heard Anakins soft, soothing voice, as he called me to go to the training room.

'Yes, we can go! Is Obi-van there?'

'I don't believe so, the Council has a meeting now. He should be there!' I noded, and walked next to him. I've always loved being by his side, it was somehow....different. 'Padme told me to ask you if you could meet her today!' my stomach started to hurt just from hearing her name.

'If I have enough time, I can visit her later! Is she all right?'

'Yes. Dont worry!' he said with a smile that I have never seen from anyone else. Padme was our ....I can say, childhood friend. She was there when I got pushed away by my mother. I wasnt blaming her, of course, she just wanted to save me, but unfortunately, it was too late.

'Is there anything wrong in the Council? I heard that they are worryed because of something.'

'I ve already asked Obi-van, but he said that it's not my business, so I don't know! Are you all right?' he asked, as we stepped into the elavator. At first I didn't understand, but when I looked into the mirror, I saw how pale my face was.

'I....yes. I think so.'

'I hope so, because tomorrow, we are going to the Caracusa!' this word sent shivers down my spine.

'Again? Why? I hate that planet!'

'We have to give the massage of the Council to them. I hate to be a postman too, believe me!' I forced out a smile.

'And how long should we stay there?'

'For some days, maybe. We are invited to the Gouren Ceremony.'

'Can't we refuse it?' I asked with really little hope.

'It wouldn't be too wise! You know how sensitive they are!' I rolled my eyes.

'I know!'

The Caracusa was a really disturbing planet. Somehow it, I mean the planet itself effected me in a way that I didn't like. It was like a drug, being there. If I was in a good mood when I arrieved there, I felt like I was flying with the birds. But if I was sad, or worryed, the planet pushed me even deeper.

'What do you want to do? Light saber fight?' he asked.

'That would be great!' I said and grabbed my light saber. That was the only part of the jedi life I enjoyed.

'Do you want to get revange for the last time?' Anakin asked with a beautiful smile. Beautiful things can cause horryble pain! As my mother used to say.

'Last time you cheated, Anakin! Dont forget it!'

'I didn't. It was totally fair! You are just weaker than me, accept it!' I laughed up.

'You think that the whole world is weaker than you!'

'And one day it will be true!'

Sometimes he scared me with such words. It was not what a jedi should say, I felt it. I felt that he wanted something more than working for the good side forever, just like me.

He unexpectedly jumped in front of me, and we started our fight. I loved the feeling of my jedi weapon, enjoyed its warmth, and our fight was always so passionate that it nearly made me forget about my feelings for him. But just nearly. Nothing was enough strong to clear it out of me.

I lost my concentration for a moment, and it was enough time for him to kick my legs out from under me. I fell onto my back painfully, while he laughed.

'Come on, Szusanna! I expect more from you!'

I jumped up, and kicked him on the back. He didn't fall, but it gave me time to recover.

Our fights were not gentle. We often get bruised and injured, but he never did enything that could seriously injure me. But sometimes it was not easy. I wasnt scared of him, of course, but I usually had nightmares with our fights, maybe because of my past. I hated violence, after what my stepfather did to me.

It was a long training fight, we were both winning and loosing.

He was standing in front of me, in a distance, while his light saber was with me. Somehow I could steel it, so he raised his hands. At first I thought that he gave up, but than I heard a krecking noise from the ceiling.
Oh no!!! I thought, and looked up. Pieces of the ceiling has already fell down. It was not a big deal, I've done it before, so I raised my arms with a purpose of stopping it. But when I wanted to use the power, cold shiver went through me. I felt like I was kicked, and my arms fell down. My knees became weaker, and my chest felt like someone was sitting on it, while black clouds floated in my eyes.

Then everything had a strange, distant sound. I heard the pieces falling down, and than i was pulled somewhere. My knees gave up, and the only thing that stopped me from collapsing onto the ground was Anakin. He wrapped his arms around me, and made me sit down carefully.

'Szusanna! Szusanna! Can you hear me?'

His words echoed in my brain and I looked up to him.

'Yes. I hear you!'

Two moments later I was perfectly fine. My power was back, but Anakin was still holding me worriedly.

'I am all right Anakin!'

'I could have killed you!' he said 'What happened to you?'

That was a good question.