The Queen of pain (Anakin Skywalker Story)

Chains

'Enough!' I said, as we woke up in our hotel room. 'That was ths last planet.'
'What? Why?'
'We cant do this anymore! Running after him is hopeless!'

Two weeks passed, since i recieved the letter from Hernan, and we were travelling from planet to planet, but with no succes, and i had enough of this game.

'Szuzanna, i dont..' he started, but i cut him off.
'I am not playing in his game anymore! We have to go home, Anakin! The Council doesnt even know where we are, and two weeks passed.' He nooded.
'Are you sure?'
'Yes. He will find me if he wants to, but i am not going to do this any longer!'
'All right than, we are going home today!'

I saw a little surprise in his eyes, but i felt that he was happy to see Padme again. Padme. The hunting of Hernan nearly made me forget about her, and their baby.

'Do you miss Padme?' His lips curled into a bright smile.
'You cant even imagine, Szuzanna!'
'You see, its another reason to finish this!'

I still felt wrong when we finally left Goer, the ice planet. I was tired, also phisically and mentally. I could hardly sleep since Ani told me that Padme was pregnant, and the feeling that Hernan is close to me again, stopped me from eating. I lost weight, i felt it in my clothes, but i tryed to hide it from Anakin. I didnt want him to realise that i had problems, but we had to stop this hunting. I was enough mature to know that it was not good for me anymore.

'Are you packed?' Asked Anakin later, and i nooded.
'Yes, we can go!'
'I didnt say anything to the Council, but i believe that Yoda knows that we are coming.'
'I am sure about it!' He looked into my eyes, and i saw that he was thinking about something.
'Szuzanna, i am worryed. What if he will come after you?' I laughed.
'Than i will wait for him, and kill him. Dont worry, i will be prepaired, i am just tyred of running from planet to planet, while he is laughing at us.'
'I dont want you to get hurt!' He whispered.
'I am going to be fine, Ani!' I said, thinking the opposite. 'Dont waste your time on worrying about it!'
'As you wish!'

We went back to the jedi temple than, and at first in my life, i was nearly happy to be there. After trevelling all the time, it was soothing that we were finally at home, even if it was not exectly a home for me.

'I am going to meet Padme.' He said as wr entered the temple. 'Do you want to come?' I shook my head.
'No, i have to talk to Yoda and Obi-Van, but tell her that i will visit her later!'
'Of course, see you later!'

We separated from each other, at first since two weeks, and it surprised me, but i felt reliefed, to finally stay alone. At first, i made my way towards the Council room, hoping that i can find them.
I was lucky, as i opened the door of the room, i found them there, but just the two of tham, noone else.

'Master Yoda, master Obi-Van!' I said, and Obi-Van looked at me as if he wanted to kill me, while Yoda was just calm, as always.
'Where were you for two weeks? What were you doing and where is Anakin?' My master shouted.
'Kenobi master, calm down!' Said Yoda, and looked into my eyes. 'I am sure that she can explain us everything!' I nooded.
'I can. ' he laughed up angrily.
'I would like to hear it!'
'Master, i am sorry if we made you worry, but we had to break the connection!'
'And why?' Asked Yoda, before Obi-Van could say anything.
'Because of the spy! We wanted to be sure that Hernan doesnt know where we are!'
'Szuzanna, we didnt find any spy! We were searching for him, or her, but nothing!'
'It doeant mean that there is no spy here. It only means that he is good at what he is doing!' I said, and Yoda nooded.
'You can be right, young padawan. Could you find Hernan?' I shook my head.
'We were fallowing him from one planet to the other, but he always slipped out of my hands.'
'Than why are you here?' This questiln surprised me, i expected Yoda to be happy that i came back.
'Because....i realised that it was hopeless. We were just wasting our time!' Yoda nooded.
'You made a wise decision! Realising that something you want is hopeless, it shows that you are becoming an adult!'
'But where is Anakin? Why did you come here alone?' Asked Kenobi.
'He visited Senator Amidala.' I said, buf i wasnt sure if i can talk about it or not. They exchanged a look, and nooded.
'I understand. You should rest a little, you look tyred! We will talk about the spy later.' Said Yoda. 'You can leave now!'

I nooded, and left the Council room.
I was really tyred, i wanted to sleep a little finally, just close my eyes without thinking of Hernan or Anakin, but it was hopeless.
Even if i went back to my room, and jumped into bad, it was useless. Every time i closed my eyes, i saw Anakins beautiful face, or Hernan, as he was watching me with his disgusting eyes. As much as i didnt want to think about it, in a strange way, but i felt the same thing for the two of them.
Not exectly, but there was something common in them. They caused pain. I didnt know what is worse, the way Hernan used me, or the pain that Anakin caused with his presence.
I tryed to keep my eyes closed, but i couldnt, so i ended up sitting on my windowsill, watching the city around me. It was just too big, i ve always hated this croweded planet, but at the same time, it was something like a home for me. But truth is, my home was where Anakin was. I asked myself so many times:Why do you stay here? You dont want to be a jedi, you hate this life, so why?
And the answer is so simple. Anakin. I wanted to be next to him, even if i was just a friend, i couldnt accept the fact of loosing him. It was too much to take.
And with this, i had to realise that i was loyal to him, not to the jedi order, or to the Council. I was not interested in saving others, or helping people, and i really didnt care about the Force.
I was not a jedi. Even if i could use the Force, or sometimes i could, a jedi shouldnt be like me.
I knew it from the first day in the jedi temple, because i wanted more than i should have. I wanted love, and with this, i broke the rules. I hated rules, so it was funny that i lived in a place where i was so controlled, and as much as i didnt like Seaara, i was jelous of his freedom.
- Maybe, you should leave the jedi order!
A little voice in my head kept saying, but i refused it. I knew that i could never live without Anakin. But how could i live with him?
That was the biggest question in my life.
This love was destroying me, i knew it, and i didnt want to die. I wanted to moove on, and live my life, but i was simply unable to leave him. It felt like he was chained to me somehow, with an unbroken chain of love, and i was scared that the only thing which can break this chain is my death.

Anakins POV

I woke up next to Padme, while my heart was beating in my chest, as if it was about to break out.
My nightmare was still in my brain, torturing me, and i wanted to cry so bedly, that it was nealy suffocating. In my dream, Padme died. I had a similar dream before, bit with my mother, and than, she died. The feeling of the dream was the same, and it scared me to death.
I didnt want to loose her, she was the part of my heart any my soul. She was chained to me, and i felt like i could do everything to save her. I didnt care about the price.
As i was thinking about it, i couldnt close my eyes, and i was too restless to stay there.
I jumped out of bad, only wearing my sleeping pants, and i decided to go to Szuzanna. She was the only person who could calm me down.
I was nearly running on the cold stone floor towards her room, and even if i wasnt sure that she was awake, i wanted to see her.
When i reached her room, i carefully opened the door, not to wake her up, but instead of sleeping, i found her sitting on the windowsill in her nightgown. She was so thin, that i didnt believe my own eyes. When did she loose so much weight?

Szuzannas POV

I was in deep toughts when my door surprisingly opened up. Anakin came in, half naked, with white face and red eyes.

'What are you doing here?' I asked, while he was watching me with strange eyes. He stepped closer.
'Why arent you sleeping?'
'I could ask the same from you! Whats wrong?' He sat down next to me on the windowsill.
'I had a nightmare. It was like the dream with my mum.'
'Who was in your dream?' I asked, but i knew the answer.
'Padme. It was about Padme.' I grabbed his hand.
'Anakin, it was just a dream. Nothing wrong is going to happen.' I felt that he was shaking.
'My mother died, Szuzanna, what if...'
'Shhh! It was just a dream. Try to forget it! She is a healthy, and young woman. You dont need to worry!' He looked into my eyes, and i saw that some tears were shaking in his eyes. It was painful, to see it.
'I cant loose her, Szuzanna! I wont let her die!' I jumped down from the windowsill and stood in front of him, placing my hands onto his wide shoulders.
'Ani, she wont die! Let this dream go!'
'I know, because if i have to, i will learn how to defeat death!'
I swallowed my fear, as i heard his words. I felt that things are not going to be all right here!