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Yes, i could feel hope again, but the next days, or weeks, i dont know, were horryble. Hernan treated me in such a way, that i nearly felt like i was an animal. For him, maybe i really was. He tortured me with everything he could, and every time he was free. He didnt let me fall asleep, or pass out, he didnt unchain me, and i was starving. I have never taught that i can be that week, but i was. I was just hanging from the ceiling lifelessly, my whole body was covered with bruises, cuts, dryed and fresh blood, and i felt that my right arm was broken.
Mum, can you here me?
'I here you!' I taught.
Hold on! Anakin will rescue us, just stay strong! I laughed up painfully.
'But when? I cant take it anymore!'
You can, belueve me! You cant give up! And that was the time when all the misery i went through in my life, came to me. My fathers death, the long years of suffering with Hernan, the nightmares after i was rescued, the long nights i cryed through. And Anakin. The pain he caused to me and the feeling of loving him with no hope.
'Why?' I asked out loud while i was sobbing.
Because if you do, you kill me! And i know that you dont want to kill your own child! I laughed again.
'I dont even know that you are really existing, or not! Maybe my brain just created you to help me!' I felt that she became angry.
You dont believe in what you are saying! You know that i am real, why do you want to lie to yourself?
'Because it would be easyer!'
But you dont want the easy way Szuzanna! That was the first timd she called me in my name. You are a fighter! A jedi! Dont loose your hope, because thats all Hernan wants!
She was right, i knew it, but i didnt care. I had enough of the pain, and i couldnt believe that Anakin will find me. I looked around in the dark room, hoping that maybe i can find something, a weapon against myself. - a piece of glass is enough!- i tought.
Stop! She nearly screamed. How can you even think about it?
'He wont kill me, cant you understand? He will make me suffer as long as i have the smallest life in my body!'
So you have lot of time to get rescued!
'I dont want to wait for Anakin to help me, and i dont have enough power to fight. The only thing i can do for myself is to end my life.'
And me? What about me?
'You are not existing!'
'Are you talking to yourself? Oh dear, you are really insane!' Hernan came in and he was laughing.
'Without good company, yes.' He knelt down in front of me, and i saw that his eyes were nearly sparkling.
'So you want me to spend more time with you? Why didnt you say it earlyer?' I instantly regretted everything i said, but it was too late. He started beating me again, making me sure that i want to kill myself.
By the time he finished, every part of my body was bleeding or aching, and all i could do was to cry.
'I ask you one last time!' Started Hernan. 'Tell me that you love me, and i wont hit you again!' Even if i cohldnt take it any longer, i wasnt able to betray myself with saying what he wanted to hear. I shook my head, and closed my eyes, waiting for the consequences of my desobeyance, but surprisingly, he just touched my face.
'Szuzanna, Szuzanna! Thats what i appriciate in you the most!' I looked up to him, and he smiled down. I saw something in his eyes that reminded me of...sadness, maybe. Is he said? But why?- i tought.
He loves you in a way that you cant understand. What he did to you, for him, thats the love. Said my doughter, and Hernan kissed my forhead.
'I cant believe that you can still hope that Anakin will find you! I just cant understanf it, and i know that its my fault, not yours.' He took a deep breath, and hugged me softly, than let go of me again. 'It may sounds strange, and you wont believe it, but i love you. I wanted to break your soul, because i wanted you to love me, but now i see that its not possible. Your love for Anakin is stronger than anything i can do to you!' It scared me. If he doesnt want to break me anymore, what if he wants to kill me?
'Do you want to kill me?' I whispered, and he shook his head.
'Why would i want to end your life, when you are the only one i live for?' I didnt understand him.
'What?'
'I wont kill you, Szuzanna, but i want you to kill me!' My eyes went wide. 'Yes, you heared me! I will wait for you to kill me! But not now! I know that Degar will tell Anakin that you are here, and i am not a fool to stay here! I dont want to be here when your friend arrived, i bet you understand why.' He grabbed my shoulders, and his bright, silver eyes deepened into mine. 'You are the only one who can kill me, noone else!' With this, he stood up. 'I dont say that i am sorry! It would be a lie!' And he left.
Does it....does it mean that we are free? Asked my doughter, but i was too surprised and shocked to decide.

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