The Queen of pain (Anakin Skywalker Story)

Loosing forever

We were training with Anakin, and it was good, but I was still too weak, even after nearly three weeks,and it felt like Joda was right about the problems with me. I couldn't relax,  couldn't sleep, and with every passing day, I was able to eat less than before.
It was like carrying a sleeping illness in my body.
I wanted to search for my mother and Hernan, but every time I said something about it to Joda, he refused me.
I was more than worryed about it, and about the Force. Plus I was always thinking about Seaara and not to mention my problems with Anakin. So, I was not all right.
One day, after a council meeting, Obi-van asked us to visit a planet, called Eusivia, and collect some crystals there. We didn't know why it was so important, but of course, we did what he said.
'I feel relief to leave the temple' said Ani as we stepped out of our plane.
'Why? What happened?'
'Nothing special. They just want me to spy on Palpatin, and it doesn't feel right!'
'But why? Why would they want you to do such a thing?' I asked as we headed towards our hotel. We were plenning to spend one night there.
'Because the Council thinks that he is against the republic.'
'And what's your opinion?' He swallowed.
'I believe that he is my friend. I am not going to betray him!' I nodded.
'You are right, I would do the same thing if I were you!'
'Thank you.' He was in silence for a while. 'Szusanna!'
'Yes?'
'I would like to tell you something!' I felt wrong.
'What?' Huge smile grew on his beautiful face
'I am going to be a father!'
I felt like the whole world stopped around me, and I was falling down.
'Congratulation! Padme didn't even tell me that she is pregnant.'
'Yes, I know, because I asked her not to. I wanted to tell you!' I forced a well-known smile onto my face.
'I am so happy! I believe it will change your life!' He nodded.
'I still can't believe that I am with the love of my life! I shouldn't even feel love!'
'But you feel! I think that it's a pointless rule of the jedi order! I don't understand why we shouldn't feel love!'
'You are perfectly right! The Force is with us, even if we love or not.'
But not with me.-I tought, and tryed to make my legs moove again.
'We should eat something before we go for the crystals!'
'Yes, but why are they so important?' He shook his head and opened the door of our room for me.
'I don't know, they didn't tell me!'

As we throw down our stuffes, I felt really sick. My forehead was burning and I had the avarage stomach ache.
We went to a little pub, where Anakin ordered something, but I couldn't exactly hear him. It was like being half asleep and half awake. Between a nightmare and the reality.
That was the time when I couldn't even force out a smile. Knowing that Padme was pregnant made everything final. Even my last drop of hope has faded, and I felt like someone who was slepped across the face.
With the child, I will loose him forever. And forever is a too long time without him.-I tought, when the droid served us the food.
'Don't you want to eat?' Asked Ani after long moments of waiting. I nodded, fighting with my tears.
'I was just thinking, sorry!'
'About what?'
A sudden wave of warmness went through me, and I had to take a deep breath. My stomach ached so much from the one bit of food I swallowed, that I had to grab the adge of the desk.
'What's wrong?'
I stood up to run to the bathroom, but I didn't reach it. After two steps, everything went dark around me, and the only thing I could think about was that I really lost him forever.