The Queen of pain (Anakin Skywalker Story)

Reasons

Master Joda nodded with a worryed look on his green face, and I felt like I had fewer.

'Are you sure about it, or it's just a guess?' I asked desperately 'Because the two is not the same!'

'It's more than a guess, Szusanna! I can't think about anyone else who would want your death.'

'But why? What could be his reasons? Revange?'

'Maybe.'

'But why? I didn't hurt him, I just left him!' he nodded.

'You are right,.you left him, and that's the point. You were too young to understand, but he was an ill person. He insested on you. And when you just left him, he felt like you betrayed him.'

'But it's....'

'Insane, just like he is. He wanted you in a way that he shouldn't have, and he still wants you. And if he can't get you....'

'Than nobody can. Is that the point? Was it because of Seaara?'

'I believe, yes.'

We were in silence for a while. I've always felt that one day, I will see my stepfather again, but I didn't think that he will try to kill me. I was always searching for him and for my mother, because I wanted to rescue her, but now, it was different. He was there, at the celebration. He saw me, but I didn't even sense him. But why?

'Master, but if he was at the celebration, why couldn't I sense him? I should have, shouldn't I?' his eyes were dark.

'And that is the other problem. I feel problems with the Force around you, Szusanna. ' I swallowed.

'Problems? What do you mean?'

'The Force is weaker around you than it was earlyer. And it even left you, am I right?' I remembered the training with Anakin, when the ceiling nearly buryed me. I looked down at my hands.

'How do you know it? Did Anakin tell you?'

'Of course, not. I am enough old to feel when something is not all right. And you have problems lately.'

'I can solve tham, master!' he looked into my eyes deeply.

'Can you? Can you clear your heart from the love, that is forbidden for you?' an unexpected wave or rage went through me.

'Why is it forbidden? Why can't I feel what I feel?'

'Because you are a jedi. Your life is not yours! You live for everyone else!'

'I've never wanted to be a jedi, master! Remember that I was forced to come here, I couldn't choose, it was my mothers decision!'

'Because she wanted to save you from your stepfather!'

'I didn't ask her to save me! She did it without even asking me!'

'Did you want to stay there, and live with the man who tortured you?' my eyes watered, and I jumped out of my seat.

'I wanted to stay with my mother, because I didn't want to leave her alone! You can't imagine how guilty I feel myself!' Joda groaned.

'Young Padawan, I feel anger, and hate in you! You should let go of it, before it's too late!'

I didn't understand him, but the way he talked about my feelings pissed me off. It was not surprising that he knew how I felt for Anakin, he was an old, strong Jedi, but still, nobody can tell me what to feel or think. That was the two things that even my stepfather couldn't take away from me.

'Master, of course I feel hate for my stepfather, but I believe its natural. And if you tell me that hate is leading me towards the Dark Side, I really don't care!'