Firsts

First Break Up

"What? How do you know?" My voice comes out squeaky.

He hands the card to me. There's a guy holding a bouquet of flowers and the words I know under him. I open the card and read: Dear Greg, I've known you for a while, but haven't thought much of it. Until yesterday, I didn't know what I was missing out on. Sorry about the late card, and don't worry, I won't tell anyone about your secret. ~Your Secret Admirer.

I read the same words over and over again. 

"Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. What?" 

He only gulps. 

"Do you think it's a trick?"

Greg shakes his head. 

"No bully would be able to write like that, much less be smart enough to think of this or pull a prank this educated. If it were one of those jerks who make fun of me, it would say: Hello Girl. Happy Valentine's day! I bet this is the only card you got this year. No one's buying the whole fake straight thing, just saying. Have a good day!"

I silently agreed. 

"Well, this is weird." 

"Really weird." Greg smirks.

"This is NOT the time for Tango Maureen!" I demand, causing Greg's expression to become serious once again. 

"I think..." Greg swallows. "I think I know who it is."

"Who?" I ask, but he only shakes his head. "Who is it? Come on! Tell me!"

Greg goes silent and won't say anything. 

"You know what?" I say. "I'm texting James. You're giving me a ride to school."

Greg only sighs. We get into his car. I pester him the whole way to school about who wrote the card. We run into James inside. 

"Hey," he says. 

"Hey," I reply.

Greg frowns and asks, "May I borrow James for a while. It's about the school play."

I nod, not thinking much of it. James comes back, looking a little pale. 

"What's wrong?" I ask. 

"Nothing," he assures me, becoming his overly-confident, charming self once again. 

His tactic works. I'm instantly relaxed once he's back to normal and we walk to English class together. After English, we run into Greg again. 

"How ya doin'?" Greg asks, staring into my eyes.

"Fine," I answer, confused, and slightly creeped out.

His eyes seem to shoot daggers at James. He cocks his head to the side and gestures towards me. James sighs.

"Skylar, I need to talk to you."

"Ok, after Science. I don't want to be late!" I answer hastily.

He grabs my shoulder.

"Now."

Greg follows as James leads me to the football field. 

"Well, I don't quite no how to say this..." he smiles sadly. "But I think I'm in love. With someone else."

It's funny how your tranquil world can become rough and rocky with five words: In love with someone else. I feel numb. James is saying something. I need to look up and pay attention. I need to let him explain.

"I'm so sorry. I don't know how it happened. I do really like you, don't get me wrong, I do. It's just... Yesterday, while you and Julia were auditioning, Greg and I got to talking and..."

And he's lost me again. James notices my confusion, grabs my shoulders, looks me in the eyes, and says three words I'll never forget.

"Skylar, I'm bisexual." 

It takes a second to process this. I just sit and stare. Wow. This is new. 

"Are you sure?" I ask.

James nods. 

"And you're in love? That's how you feel?"

Another nod.

"I understand. Honestly, I do. You can't help your feelings. And hey, if you ever have any guy trouble, I know Greg really well."

James smiles sadly.

"Thank you so much for understanding, Skylar. Again, I'm so sorry. And, uh, can we still be friends? 'Cause I think you're really cool."

"Of course," I say, smiling, though it doesn't quite reach my eyes.

I don't know why, but this isn't upsetting me that much. I mean, Greg might get a boyfriend. He might finally get to be himself. It's not like I'm not affected. I'm just not angry. Or really that hurt. 

"And, uh, thanks. For the chocolates. And, well, everything," I add awkwardly.

"No problem," James returns, bringing us back to an easy place. 

I turn to Greg, look him in the eyes, and say, "He's all yours." 

Greg grins at me. I've never seen him so happy. That's the moment I realize it's all worth it. It's ok that I've been dumped because Greg gets a beacon of light through the darkness. It's ok that my heart aches right now because the last two weeks have been some of the best in my life. It's not ok to stay mad at Greg or James for something they can't help. James can help his feelings. Greg definitely can't help James' feelings. Neither of them asked for any of this, they never tried to make me feel betrayed or nauseous, just like I didn't ask to be hopeless when it comes to date make-up, and Julia didn't ask to be hopeless when it comes to math, which she really isn't good at. It's not any of our faults that things have worked out this way. 

James decides that we all deserve to skip a class, so Greg, James, and I spend a surprisingly unemotional period on the football field, just talking and joking around like everything is normal. Surprisingly, it feels like it is. 

"The only thing that's missing is Julia," Greg remarks.

Julia. Crap. She's going to have a lot of questions by the time we meet up with her again. I mean, she was expecting me to waltz happily into Biology this morning. I wonder if she even knows we came to school. Maybe she's nervous for callbacks without us, considering she'd be alone with Amber's clique. 

I push these thoughts out of my head. I need to learn to deal with my problems one at a time. Julia can wait. The time is here and now. My rough and rocky world is finally starting to smooth out and make more sense.