Tammy's Tale

Tammy: Chapter 39

I sat by her bedside, stroking her arm and singing to her quietly as she lay on the hospital bed, my mum walked in and placed a cup of coffee next to me. She sighed and sat down, my eyes were swollen and they felt heavy, as if I'd literally placed weights on them and my mum rubbed my back gently, soothing me. Janay had started crying in the ambulance as she became concious again, the doctors had said she may have concussion which is less serious than I thought, she had a deep cut on the side of her head which had now been stitched up and bandaged and she was asleep. I was watching her, making sure her breathing didn't become shallow or change and the door suddenly swung open. Adrian walked in with Dante and Chloe behind him and I pressed my finger to my lips, Adrian let out a sigh of relief and then glared at me but it was Dante who spoke first.

'Drinking whilst looking after her? Tammy what's gotten into you, one thing no one's ever had to tell you to do was how to look after your daughter, what the fuck is wrong-'

'Dante leave it, right now is not the time mistakes happen, Tammy is upset and she has every right to be-'

'But mum that doesn't excuse her for leaving the baby gate open, that's a simple thing-'

'Tammy can speak for herself.' I said, interrupting the two of them and they all looked at me.

'I made a mistake and it won't happen again, Janay will be fine okay?' I said and Adrian slowly shook his head, he wouldn't even look at me even once everyone else left the room to get a drink.

'She was screaming for you in the ambulance when she kinda came round.' I said as he sat on the opposite side of Janay facing me but looking and her and holding her hand.

'I was so scared, I just went into panic mode and I ran over to her and tried to stop the bleeding but I'm a bit clueless when it comes to things like this... you know me, blonde at heart.' I said and chuckled lightly, his face didn't change and he still wouldn't look me in the eye.

'I kinda wish you didn't leave, then it wouldn't have happened-'

'What? You wouldn't of been an irresponsible teenager?' He said and I frowned.

'I'm an adult Adrian, I'm her mother-'

'You didn't act like it. I told you, it's okay to grieve Tammy getting pissed when you put your 3 year old to bed isn't the way to deal with your problems. I told you, call me if you need me and you needed me. You're in denial about Taylor's death and you're in denial that you're upset,' He said, looking at me and moving his hand on mine ,'and you're allowed to be upset Tam.' I shook my head and looked at him, drawing my hand away from his.

'You don't know the half of it, do you know how I felt seeing Janay lay there? I thought I'd lost another child I couldn't breathe Adrian, my heart ached and it still won't stop hurting me.' I said and he frowned.

'Tam, this is just how you choose to grieve but I'm worried that it's going to affect you badly in the long run.' He said and I shrugged, looking back at Janay as she slept.

'Maybe so, you know what hurts the most?' I said and he slowly shook his head.

'No, what?'

'That this is my fault.' I said and Adrian shook his head.

'It was an accident, accidents do happen and she fell-'

'I meant Taylor's death.' I said, addressing it properly for the first time. He looked at me and frowned, I knew what he was about to say and I stopped him.

'Adrian it is, having Janay not only changed our lives but it changed my whole family too, do you know how well Taylor was doing in school? People would bully her and call her names because I had a baby, not her, me. So she did exactly what they said and started messing with older boys and trying to get attention. All because I had a baby at 16.' I said and Adrian sighed, he walked around the bed and knelt down beside me, taking my hand in his.