Reality

24

My eyes adjusted to the bright light littering the room, my body felt cold, alone. I blinked a few times, wiping the sleep from my eyes before taking in my surroundings. I sat up from the bed, yawning a bit, I felt this overwhelming, constant feeling of cold that I couldn't explain. I looked either side of me and frowned at what I found.

I frowned because I found, well, nothing. The sheets were cold, signalling the blue eyed character had been gone for quite a while, but where? Usually I would wake to his raspy morning voice singing to me, or his chocolate curls tickling the crook of my neck. He wouldn't get out of bed without me. Pushing the sheets back with a frown etched on my features, I crawled out from bed, making my way across the floorboards and to the door slowly, still feeling the constant chill than ran down my body in waves. I opened the door, feeling uneasy about how quiet the house had seemed. My feet glided me across the floorboards slowly, silently. And as I reached the top of the stairs he heard hushed whispering coming from the kitchen.

"What do you mean gone?" I heard my mother hiss, clearly distressed.

"I don't know what to say Mrs. Wilkins, He's simply gone... I'm sorry, I know how hard this is going to be for Jasper." I heard another voice whisper, laced with full sincerity, and a Texan accent.

"Do you think he know's yet?" I heard one of my brothers mutter, it was Tristan.

"I don't think so T, they were clearly infatuated with one another." Samuel's reply was heard.

By now I had made my way down the stairs, unnoticed, to find my whole family huddled around the kitchen counter. Unexpectedly with Amelia, they seemed to be having a rather serious discussion, exchanging concerned looks and hushed whispers.

"Mom?" I spoke up, all of their heads turning to me abruptly all of them with wide eyes. They resembled a family of deers, caught in headlights.

"Sweetie! Good morning! How are you feeling? Would you like pancakes, waffles? Hey, what about"-

She was cut off by the clearing of Amelia's throat, they exchanged a look, seemingly having a silent battle.

"Mrs. Wilkins, with all respect, let's not procrastinate this more than we need to, yeah?" Amelia had asked, my mother sighing and nodding in return.

"What's happening?" I asked, confused. "Where's Miles?"

Amelias's face softened, she let out a breath and stepped toward me.

"Jasper,"- She began hesitantly, looking away from me. "I'm so sorry, but,"- She let out a shaky breath. "Last night"-

Her hand came into contact with my shoulder comfortingly, and at the contact I tensed, a wave of what I could only describe as the point of absolutely freezing came over my body as a flash of memory from the night before took over my senses.

"I love you, Jasper."

And sleepily, and unaware of my surroundings, I mumbled back,

"I love you too, Miles." Just as I dozed off.

"Shit." I cursed, my memory flooding back into my mind. "Shit! Shit! Shit!" I cried out, pushing Amelia away from me as I stumbled back clumsily. My hands found their way to my hair as I pulled at it harshly.

"No no no no!" I yelled as tears brimmed in my eyes and I kneeled to the ground. I let out a choked sob, looking up at the Texan girl before with so much anger.

"I was barely conscious when I said it! It shouldn't count!" I screamed out, feeling a pain in my chest as I sobbed. Thinking of the last time I looked at the blue eyed boy, as it was the last time I would ever see him.

"I'm so sorry, Jasper." She said, almost looking on the verge of tears herself.

"I-I just felt so sad from the loss of my- my own love, and I toyed with yours. I shouldn't have cast such a stupid spell. I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry."

I didn't ask her of her loss, and I didn't scream and yell at her for being the entire reason behind mine, I just pulled her down with me. Into a warm hug, I cried on her shoulder and she cried on mine.

And after days and days of being locked up in my room, sometimes with Amelia, bonding and sobbing. Sometimes alone, writing and sobbing. And sometimes with the notebook I had received from Miles on my birthday, with a pen, writing letters to a blue eyed beauty that could never write back, and you guessed it. Sobbing.

They finally pulled me out of my room. It took time, but eventually I got better, happy again. I had been sent on blind dates after hearing the typical, "I have this gay friend." From every person I knew, but in the back of my mind, he was always, always there. Miles.

His blue eyes, and gorgeous smile. The way his lips felt on mine, the way his body looked under the morning sunlight, cascading through the cracks in the curtains. The way his voice sounded when he sang, the way his hair tickled his neck in the morning.

Miles was always there, even as the years passed by, and I grew older, time passed faster, My bond with Amelia grew stronger, and my longing for my first love back got larger.

And at the age of twenty-two, still living at my parents house, in fear of losing the memories of the blue eyed boy if I left. Still driving around the car that my parents eventually gave to me in fear of forgetting the feel of the cushioned seats that we had made love on. And still writing letters to a non-existent person in the little leather notebook.

I still layed and cried at night at the thought.

It was pathetic, all of it. Fell in love at eighteen, never moved on. But it wasn't the same as that brief conclusion. The end wasn't a choice, it was a horrible twist of fate, and I couldn't help but ponder what could've been if I had never uttered those silly words back.

What a shame.

fin.