A Day In the Life of Me

Thoughts everywhere, yet nowhere.
Voices arguing back and forth.
Panic sets in and overthinking begins.
But I still look calm.

Every glance, every word runs through my mind.
My conscience eating at me.
Over-analyzing every little thing.
Weighing the consequences.

Pages filled with lists of pros and cons.
Poems that express my thoughts.
Just enough
So that I don't go insane.

The rest stays inside.
The hatred, pain, confusion, guilt.
All of it, destroying who I once was,
And replacing it with what I am now.

Anxiety and pain preventing me from moving on.
Memories of past experiences
Rethinking bad decisions.
Keeping myself from letting go.

Social settings are even worse.
Feeling as though all eyes are on me.
Assuming everyone is judging me.
And hating me for who I am.

Making decisions is stressful.
Not knowing the outcome.
Assuming worst-case scenarios.
And fearing the wrong choice.

When you bottle things up for so long,
You get used to keeping it all in.
Start to withdrawal from others.
Thinking they'll never understand.

Loneliness begins to consume you.
You find comfort in it.
Not having to explain your emotions.
Not being made to put it in words.