Let Me Sink!

Dear You

Dear You,
I've decided to write this to express my true feelings for right now. Since I'm struggling with so many things that you can't even begin to understand and now you've added more to that struggle. A struggle you'd probably know about if you didn't betray my trust. I can't say anything to your face because if I try I know it will all come flowing out and I will end up saying something I regret. So this...is to you.

Do know what one of the worst feelings is? Having someone you thought you could trust, someone you care about lie straight to your face. But you see it's the not the fact that you lied to me that upsets me, it's the fact that I can't believe you from now on. It's the fact that you thought I wasn't worth the truth. Instead of coming clean, putting your trust in me to understand and handle the situation maturely, you lied. You lied to cover it up and you can deny all you want that you did it just so I wouldn't get mad but you and I both know the truth. You did it to protect yourself, you lied to try and save yourself, this has nothing to do with me. This was your choice.

You thought this was all a big joke though, well at the least at the beginning you did. You thought I was kidding when I told you I didn't think I could trust you anymore. I think the realisation is finally settling in now that I'm not kidding, I'm serious. How can I trust someone who lies straight to my face and shows no signs of guilt. I honestly believed in you, thought you were worth my time. I fought for you, I stood up for you, helped you when you needed it and how you do you repay me...with cold lies. The part your not understanding it that trust is a bond, it takes years to build, seconds to break and forever to repair. Trust is like an eraser, it gets smaller every time you make a mistake. Well I'm sorry to say you've made so many in just the last few days that it's almost gone.  You can't keep lying to people and then turn around and expect them to trust you, that's not how trust works. I don't hand out my trust to anyone, you have to earn it. I trust people's actions not their words, and honestly...I trusted you. I truly did but now I'm coming to realise that maybe your not as trustworthy as I first thought. I'm worried now, if you lied about this small thing then what else have you lied about?

If your reading this you probably think I hate you but I don't. I don't hate you I'm just disappointed that you turned into everything you said you wouldn't. We used to talk about how people betrayed others, you alway said you'd never do that. You made promises that are now all broken. Sad truth though, I always knew you'd never keep them but part of me hoped that you'd prove me wrong. You see it's hard to trust somebody when the person who you completely opened up to is the person who later completely betrays you.

At first I thought I was overreacting but I realise now I'm not. And yes I am calling this a betrayal, because you have betrayed my trust in you. I'm not shutting you out, I'm not ignoring you that's all your own doing. How do you expect me to talk to you when you isolate yourself from conversations? When you turn your back and face the other way every time your near me? You want me to stay your friend yet your doing everything to push me away. I'm sure you're expecting me to fight back and apologise, to beg you to speak to me again but guess what, I'm way to strong to give in. I won't break trust me I won't. I've had years of broken trust to learn how to hold my ground. So yes I will wait for you to finally have the realisation that this is your fault, that I have done nothing. And if you don't ever have that realisation well then it makes me wonder if we were ever friends in the first place. I won't come back just to beg, I'll never beg not for anyone. If you were truly my friend you would have dealt with this differently already. You wouldn't have shut me out and instead would have talked and sorted it out maturely. Instead you decided to act like a 5yr old. So come talk to me when you grow up again.

Oh and don't give me the bullshit about that you only weren't talking to me just cause I wasn't talking to you. You have no evidence to support that accusation, I on the other hand do. And if or when you decide to start handling situations like a mature person then I'll explain them to you and we can sort this out rationally. I'm ready to deal with this. I'm mature enough to forgive you but not stupid enough to give you my trust again. You see I'm always there, for anyone, I'll be one of the first to try and comfort you in times where you feel like nothing. So why betray someone who was so ready to comfort you when you needed me? I don't understand why you did any of this, was it something I did? Is this all me? No it's not, as much as it pains me to say...it's you. So if I cut you off, chances are, you handed me the scissors to do so.

Betrayal....doesn't only break your heart but darkens your soul. You'll never forget the pain. Like a fog that forever lingers in the depths of your mind.

So stop hiding behind your little innocent act, the act where you are the victim and come realise what you've done. I was always ready to fight for our friendship, so come prove to me that you are willingly to do the same. I'll be waiting..but if you don't come, I won't cry a river. I don't need you to be happy, you were a contributing reason to my happiness though. But all happiness comes from those you care about, and who care about you. Currently like your acting like neither. This is you, this is all your own doing.

I don't hate you, but I am disappointed this is what it's all come to. I thought we were closer than that.

Sincerely
Broken....