Random: (Zayn Malik fanfic)

Chapter 17

Zayn has missed too many shows to miss another one, making it my chance to do something. I want to be with Jade again. I have to.

Not everyone gets it. I don't fully get it either, but according to the doctor's, I'm depressed. I don't think I'm depressed; I miss my daughter. 

Hours I've sat in this hotel room, staring at the bottle of pills in my hands. Anyone could piece together what I'm attempting, but I couldn't even fathom my wishes logically. I'm Jade's mother, I'm suppose to be  taking all of her pain away, but I can't anymore. It's not possible.

Why has this "God almighty" done this to us? Tearing away the only thing keeping me together each day, the only thing I lived for. 

I sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled out my phone, the bottle of pills still dangling from my finger tips. I swiped through photos until I paused on one of Jade wearing my dancing shoes while standing in front of the mirror-wall in my rehearsal space. Her hand was on the wall and she was smiling, smiling so bright. She was my sun. Now it's like the world has no brightness.

I sat that down next to me and stared at the bottle, my shaking hands holding it. It was originally  medicine for headaches, but what if your whole life turned into a spinning mess? Does that mean I can swallow the whole bottle?

I opened the top and poured the small white pills into the palm of my hand. 

"This is it," I muttered to myself. Everything around me became fuzzy as I focused on the handfull of pills, taunting me.

Take me, they whispered at me. Swallow me dry, feel no pain.

I held my hand up to my mouth and tipped my head back, waiting for the moment when the cold pills hit my tongue. That moment never arrived, though, since the hotel room door swung open. I sat there, stone-eyed, staring at Zayn. He didn't move, he just stood there, his has lightly ontop of the door handle.

"Raven?"

I swallowed the spit collecting, wishing the pills were being drowned into my throat. He stepped forward, allowing the door to shut behind him. He didn't say anything, and he didn't have to. The look on his face was enough.

He was scared, confused, and worst of all, disappointed.

"Raven, what're you- I thought that you could come to me," he said with immense hurt radiating from his voice. "I thought I could help you."

"No one can help me, Zayn. Not anymore," I whispered, staring at the pills still in my palm. "Will you please leave?"

"You honestly think I'm going to leave you alone, now?" He set his jacket on the bed and kneeled infront of me, placing a hand on each of my shoulders. "I don't want to leave you, ever."

"But I want to leave this place," I said quietly. 

"Fine, we'll get the next flight home." Zayn's eyes widened, thinking that this whole problem was solved. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and began to type.

"No, Zayn, I mean life, the world."

He froze again, his eyes slowly meeting mine. "You can't possibly-"

"Kill myself? I was just about to. What makes you think I don't want to anymore?"

He sighed and sat down next to me. He gripped my wrist and pried the fingers open that were shielding the pills from the world. He slowly picked each pill up and threw them away. 

"Please, come to me when you need someone," he pleaded. 

"I need Jade," I mumbled.

"We all need Jade, Raven! But we can't have her anymore!" Zayn shouted. "I'm frustrated, too! I'm sad, too! Ray, I started smoking and drinking since she left us, you think I'm not affected?!"

I didn't know that he began smoking again, drinking was obvious. But smoking was something I thought he quit forever.

"Do you honestly think Jade would want you to kill yourself?" Zayn asked, his voice dropping. "She was your little girl, she didn't know this kind of pain but she's staring down at you, wondering what you were about to do."

Jade wouldn't want me to do this... Now, it's all starting to clear up.

"Jade is in heaven, wondering what the hell you were about to do and I'm wondering the same thing. If I wouldn't have walked in here, you would have been laying on that bed, unconcious and most-likely dead. You really want that?" Zayn was now kneeling infront of me again, his hands on my cheeks. "I wouldn't be able to handle that, Jade."

"I just thought-"

"Killing yourself shouldn't even cross your mind," he said with tears falling from his eyes. His thumbs rubbed under my eyes and wiped away any fallen tears.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled, my eyes connected with Zayn's.

"Me too," he whispered back. He slowly leant forward and kissed me gently.

"I want to get help, Zayn." I looked down to my lap, ashamed of saying those words.

"I'll get you whatever you need."

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I knowwwwww short. but it had to be. I'm actually typing this at my friend's house at the moment while she's at some review class.

anyways, this is it, I think. maybe either a chapter left or so? the next chapter will be short because I thiiiiink the epilogue is gonna be crazy insane and wonderful. (insane in a good way)

I can't thank you guys enough for this story. I never had as much feedback as I did for this story and I am so grateful. So, thank you.

Epilogue will have my final words. Oh crap. lol

thank you guys for everything and I am SOOOO sorry about the length and quality of the last few chapters. 

I love you all.

-G