Trading Mistakes (A Brendon Urie FanFic)

Chapter 21

                                                                  Chapter 21

                Getting out of the car was much more nerve wracking than I'd imagined it would be since I was meeting my friends. It was that feeling that something was going to go wrong or they would have thought that I purposely tried to kill myself, which was so far from my intentions.

                "Hey," I smiled as we approached; part of me was utterly terrified that they were going to say something to set me off. Being in shorts with the big patches of scars didn't bother me, but with my friends I got a little more self-conscious. I hadn't really told anyone about it besides Jenna; they'd all seen my scars before so I was pretty sure that they picked up on something but I couldn't be positive. Now everyone knew and it probably spread like wildfire in town.

                "Hey, how are you?" Duncan asked as he got up to hug me.

                "Good, I'm good, how are you?"

                "I'm great," he said. There was definitely an awkward air about the group today. I felt completely awful about it all.

                "Alright, let's get this out of the way, I'm open to answering any questions you have, I'm comfortable with whatever," there was a moment of silence after I spoke up.

                "Why'd you do it?" Chase asked, he sounded very serious and somber. All eyes were locked on me.

                "I wasn't trying to kill myself. I didn't realize what I was doing and they weren't deathly, they were just too deep. Brendon was out working and I was stupid and looked at my Twitter and there was a lot of bad stuff on there and it was really triggering, so I cut for the first time since Bren and I started seeing each other."

                "Why didn't you ever tell us about it?" this time it was Riley. She'd struggled with it and told everyone, that being said she hadn't seemed to get as involved in it. She'd recovered with so much ease it was almost unreal.

                "Because I was scared. I don't know, I didn't think you all wanted to know. I started doing it when I was like 10, I thought you'd all picked up on it and it was easier for me to just not say anything. I'm sorry."

                "I think we all understand," Duncan said before his girlfriend could say anything because he knew she had all the potential to say something very wrong, "that you've gone through a lot. It's just scary getting a call from Jenna say Brendon had called and said you were in the hospital for cuts. And it's a little insulting that you didn't trust us enough to tell us that you were going through all this, I mean, we've always let you know we're here for you."

                "I know, I feel awful and I've put people through a lot of shit. Truthfully, me talking about this and allowing negativity is going against everything I was told I should do when I was in rehab. I'm not trying to insult you guys or hurt you or anything. It's just something you have to understand about me that I thought you did. I'm quiet, I don't talk about this shit with everyone or else that world would know and I'd probably have been better sooner."

                "Guys, I told you not to do this to her, I wanted this to be happy and nice and a good welcome back for Faith, not the Spanish inquisition."

                "She offered it up; I don't see anything wrong with asking her questions. We aren't putting her down anymore then she was when she wasn't telling us about what she did," Elizabeth said in a very cutting voice. It was all becoming hard to handle, there were a lot of triggers and a lot of heavy emotions that I still wasn't fully prepared to deal with, apparently.