One Direction Imagines

Time Goes By (Harry Styles)

Prologue – June 2014.

Never before in my entire pathetic existence have I ever felt this bitterly embarrassed as I looked around the room, to find sympathetic glances my way. People awkwardly trying to make conversation whilst ignoring the very large but ever present elephant in the room, no one wants to discuss or mention why he isn’t here. Unfortunately for me, I wouldn’t know what to tell them if they did ask. Trying to decipher the difference between an anxious fake grin I put on or the content, true smile I used to know so well. These days however, I’m not used to the latter so it’s not a challenging task to do. Deciding I need a drink, I stride past guests of friends and family all exchanging pleasantries with me as I very politely excuse myself to enter the kitchen. 

Sighing as I enter and grip onto the counter in an attempt to get some 

peace of mind. Unfortunately, cruel silence does not allow this. Mind wandering somewhere in the distance asking the same question that’s on everyone’s lips. “Why isn’t he here?” I knew things with us have been difficult to say the least. Honeymoon phase completely and irrevocably over, not that I understood why. We have started off the months in our relationship extraordinarily well, always letting one another know how happy we were to have found each other, uncompromisingly happy. Soon, that all started to change. Instead of being content with spending nights in with me watching undeniably bad late night television on a Friday, eating day old pasta feeling like we were the only two people in the world, he started going out with supposedly new friends of his, ones that conveniently for him, I had never met. Stumbling in at four o’clock in the morning, high on alcohol and attention or sometimes never coming home at all. 

I had tried to talk to him about it, that would go either of two ways: Him apologising and telling me he was going to try to cut down, me naively believing him the first couple times or him telling me to stop nagging him all the time, saying I was being overbearing and using our relationship against me noting that if I wanted it to work, I needed to give him space and trust him. Knowing it would work effectively as our relationship was one of the things I used to cherish most in the world. The key word there is used to, now… Well, now I just don’t know anymore. 

My thoughts interrupted by Harry slamming the door, giggling to himself. Locking eyes with me and lazily grinning. “He..Hey baby.” He lowly trailed. I could tell he had been out of it, but now was slowly starting to sober up. If I wasn’t so enraptured in my own loathing and anger, I may have noticed the music die down outside the kitchen door, but I didn’t. “Where have you been Harry?” I sighed tiredly, not just from exhaustedly having to muster up enough energy to converse with people all evening, acting somewhat relatively happy, but tired of everything. Of what my life had become, who I had become, who he had become. “Oh, please do not start this again. Not like I had anything better to do tonight.” He scoffed whilst slightly slurring his last words. I winced internally at his words, not because of the fact that he didn’t turn up out of pure, sheer stupidity and carelessness, but because of the fact that he completely forget, that I mustn’t have entered his mind. “I take you just forgot about tonight, our plans?” I stopped abruptly, trying to compose myself. “I take it you forgot about me, once again?” He slid his tongue across his lips, wetting them, looking obliviously into empty space. “Plans…” He silently muttered to himself, seeming to be thinking inside his alcohol infused brain for some recognition or reminder of the evening I had been told he had so excitedly planned for me, months in advance. 

Taking a deep breath, knowing with all my being he hadn’t and wouldn’t remember. Once again, containing my emotions, silently confessing the words in my head that had been playing over and over again, like a mantra or broken record aching to be spat into the air angrily, to remind him of what he had missed. 

“It’s my birthday Harry.” His eyes suddenly jumped from trailing down my body to my now glassy eyes. Anyone else would have missed the split second look of self-loathing and regret upon he face, but I hadn’t. Not before, it was quickly wiped into a sly smirk. “Oh, happy birthday I guess.” He cruelly muttered as if he were insulting an enemy. Suddenly, I snapped I couldn’t take the months of waiting for him to walk through the door, couldn’t take all the money spent on new lingerie or hair styles to try and excite him, like I used to, couldn’t take all the deceitful times he’d told me he had been with the boys, when in actual fact, the boys had regretfully dismissed his claims. As all of that flashed before my eyes in a whirlwind of emotion, the tears I had been fully prepared to hold in streamed down my face. “Oh, here come the waterworks” He sneered walking towards the refrigerator to get what I presumed was another drink. “You know what Harry? Fuck you. Fuck you and your fucking boy band. Fuck you and your apartment. Fuck you and this joke of relationship we have. I’m done. I can’t fucking do this anymore.” He stared at me trying to decipher whether I was about to walk out of his life. “Oh baby, we both know you wouldn’t leave me. I’m all you have.” I stormed out of the kitchen to the seventy five unsuspecting guests that had completely slipped my mind, glancing anxiously around the room, every single last person giving me the same unconvincing smile I had been giving them all night. I muttered an apology before telling everyone to have a good night. Harry stumbling out of the kitchen, eyes widening slowly sobering up as he realised everyone had heard his vindictive demeanour he so desperately tried to hide when others were around. He swallowed as he looked at me “I…I’m sorry, I completely forgot. I just…I” I cut him off, squeezing my eyes tightly willing myself not to fall for his half-hearted apology. “Just save it Harry, really save your breath and your energy. I’d hate for you to waste your time just like I have so for many months. Enjoy the party Harry I know how much you love them.” I grazed past his tense body and nervous face. Towards the door when I turned my head over my shoulder as a second thought. “Oh Harry?” He glanced back willingly, looking regretful but full of hope as I called his name. I took my time to peer over his entire presence, locking eyes with his face and wondering what happened to the man who would wake me up with kisses and who would hold me just a little too tight. “Next time…” I took a moment pause and sinisterly smiled at the ground, laughing sadly to myself and this entire embarrassment I was ashamed to call my life. Sighing, I continued “Next time, you might want to make sure she doesn’t leave love bites on your neck.” I choked as tears over spilled from my eyes, his face contorted, and his hand gripping onto his bruised skin whilst shamefully looking towards the ground. I walked through the door, tears trailing my face as I left the space I once called my dream home with Harry, which has slowly but very surely become my nightmare.

CREDITS: twitter.com/watermelooonnnn