Therapy (Phan)

7: A handful of moments I wished I could change...

If he regretted anything at all in life, it was not kissing him.

He shouldn't have just left. He should have kissed Phil.

But no, he was stupid. And he left like a coward.

And it's not like Dan didn't want to kiss Phil. He did. He really did. But it was all awkward now, and maybe Phil didn't like him.

Maybe Dan was right for leaving, and perhaps he wasn't.

And Dan would never know.

-

Two months later...

"Nick!"

Dan threw his arms around Nick's neck, and kissed his cheek softly.

They were dating now.

Dan and Phil hadn't spoken much since the almost kissing incident, but they still talked, and they still pretended like nothing ever happened.

And perhaps Dan was a bit sad that Phil didn't bring it back up ever again, and perhaps Dan was mad at himself for not doing it either, but it was too late now, as Dan was dating Nick and he pushed all his feelings for Phil aside.

Phil, on the other hand, was having a great difficulty trying to keep his feelings for Dan in the back of his mind, and was having trouble trying to stop thinking about Dan.

And every time Phil saw him, his heart pounded hard in his chest. His breath hitched and his palms became sweaty, and Phil felt the butterflies in his tummy. When they briefly touched, Phil felt sparks.

Phil got nervous around Dan, always seeming to blush and stutter when they were close up together and alone.

And Phil wanted so much for their lips to touch again, but something more than last time.

And Phil knew that every time Dan kissed or hugged Nick, his heart would ache just a little bit more, and he knew eventually it would become unbearable.

His heart was breaking, little bits at a time, as if it was tearing itself apart in slow motion.

But he still continued to act as if he was okay. But truth be told, Phil was not okay, in fact, he was so far from it, he rarely knew what it was like to be okay.

And still he pretended like he was fine. He pretended like he was okay with everything.

Truth was, if Phil was okay with anything, it was pretending.

Pretending it didn't hurt when someone called him a hurtful name or beat him up, pretending it didn't shatter his heart when Dan would kiss Nick, pretending he was okay and plastering a fake smile on his lips when really, he was hurting so much inside, and hurting himself physically.

Everyday, there were fresh lies on his lips and fresh cuts on his hips.

And perhaps Phil was far too okay with that: just pretending nothing mattered and everything was fine and dandy.

But it wasn't. Not one bit.

And still, Phil pretended like he didn't love Dan, especially to Dan's face, and to himself a little, when really, he'd never loved anyone as much as he did Dan, and pretending like he didn't was another thing that hurt him, but couldn't stop doing.

-

Tbh idk what this is but here u go (>^-^)>♡♡ love u all:)