MALADRESSE ✞

0.5

WARNING: Contains a Panic attack and thoughts about death. Please note, if anyone is upset by any of my work, please let me know either in the comments or PM me.

We stumble out of Tesco's clutching our sides tight, struggling for air and our eyes watering from the laughter. I manage to calm myself down but Pj still remained looking like a dying seal. Attractive level- reached the max.

"W-why did you do that?" Pj asked, practically choking the words out.

"You looked down, had to make you smile at something." I answer, shrugging my shoulders before starting to walk in no general direction.

"And singing This Is Gospel over Tesco's intercom and doing the whip and nae nae is the way to do that?"

I smile. "You're laughing, aren't you?"

He smiles back. "True."

We walk in a comfortable silence, every now and then a loud laugh or giggle will guiltily escape the lips of the other person as we think back to our three minutes of fame. Well, three minutes of my fame. Great, I'm the infamous Dan Howell, known for singing Panic! At The Disco over the intercom and managing to dance to it with a famously annoying dance.

"Hey, isn't that, Phil?" Pj asks.

My head shoots up and it was indeed Phil. But with Phil was someone else, he was around our age, and he was also walking hand in hand with Phil. To say it didn't hurt would be the equivalent of me saying I exercise daily and I don't like Llamas or Muse. 

"Shit, sorry, Dan." Pj says, trying to apologise.

I look at him, my watery liquid brown eyes versus his intimidating sea green eyes. "It's fine."

He pulls me into a hug and I let out a sob. I instantly cover my mouth with my hand and I start to feel dizzy. Here? In public? With Phil around? Seriously? My breathing starts to increase to a dangerous rate and I take off sprinting towards home.

"Dan!" I hear two voices cry.

"Pj, hurry up!" I manage to shout out before my lungs decided that with short breaths and running, I didn't have the capability to talk too.

Soon, I surprised myself by turning up at my home, not stopping unless I knew I was going to topple over... like now. I manage to open the door, get inside and get up the stairs and into my room. I let out a strangled cry as I am unable to catch my breath.

"Dan!?" I hear from far away.

I let out another cry, but this wasn't in pain, this was a plea. This was my way of asking for help. I didn't even know what caused the panic attack, the only thing I could think was that I was going to die. Because that's what I felt like. I felt like I was on the verge of dying.

I feel beads of sweat and tears roll down my face and I let out yet another cry of agony, all those panic attacks during high school could not compare to this one, I had no help, and I couldn't help myself. I was hopeless. Pathetic. Worthless. Maybe it would be better if I did die. Pj lives here now, he can have the house.

"Oh, Dan!" I hear Pj cry out.

I feel my eyes start to close and I smile as my breath increases yet again. The beauty of the boy before me never ceases to amaze me every time I look at him, not matter the bad timing like now. 

"I love you, Peej."

* * *

Beep. Beep. Beep.

"It's not time for school, I still got another half an hour," I grumble, pulling the covers over my head trying to block out the god awful sound.

I became confused. The covers was way to thin to be my own, my arm was caught on something, I don't remember closing the curtains last night so why isn't the sun blasting it's light into my face? And lastly, I don't go to school anymore, so why is my alarm going off?