MALADRESSE ✞

1.6

Warning: This chapter contains a character having a panic attack.

"Thanks for doing this, Dan."

"Don't thank me,"

"No, but seriously I-"

"You should be thanking Phil, he's the one who convinced me to come."

Me and Peej stand side by side as we do the practice ceremony for his and Chris' wedding, I was planning on coming anyway, but then Peej asked me to be him best man and I freaked out and refused to come. It took the entire season of Death Note, Malteasers and a lot of coaxing on Phil's behalf to even get me to consider doing this.

Obviously Phil gave me the pout and puppy eyes and I immediately gave in.

Damn it.

We see Chris walk down the aisle with Phil and I took a quick look at Pj and all the hatred I felt towards him for cheating on me vanished in that moment as I saw the love in his eyes... The look he once had for me. We were all in our normal clothes so if this was the look he had for Chris now, I can't wait to see the look he has for him when they are both in their suits.

I look over to Phil who was now standing on the other side of Chris who had made it to the top of the aisle and my heart leaps at how adorable he looked, so happy that his friend was practicing getting married. His black hair was a bit more messy than usual, but it was a really sexy look, he was wearing his favourite plaid shirt and a pair of black skinny jeans that showed off his long legs.

They started talking and I zoned out, just me and my mind. I continue to look at Phil who was looking at Chris and Peej with so much intensity I'm surprised he didn't cut two holes in each of them.

If you midnight driving with the windows down,
And if you like going places we can't even pronounced,
If you like to do whatever you've been dreaming about then baby I'm perfect,
Baby I'm perfect for you.

So let's start right now.

Ever since me and Phil came back on that night from the walk to the park, we made it a routine, every night we would go for a walk in the dark, side by side, sometimes in silence sometimes we won't shut up, but we still did it and I enjoyed it so much despise the fact that in the back of my mind I know it's exercise.

The other day I decided to take Phil to a restaurant for dinner because I was too lazy to cook and neither of us could pronounce the name of it nor could we pronounce half of the menu, but that didn't stop us from having a ball trying.

We ended up ordering spaghetti and meatballs, a bow of chips to share and garlic bread, classy I know.

I remember Phil telling me how much that after this year and after he finishes college that we both start soon that he wants to go on the London eye since he has been too scared to go on it before now, I was planning on taking him after the wedding thing and all of that has blown over, making it more special than going in the middle of a hurricane.

I've been having weird thoughts lately. 'Phil looks cuter than normal today' or 'holy hell he just touched my hand' when in reality it was when I was handing him the ketchup bottle and our hands
brushed for a millisecond.

...Do I want to date, Phil?

We get along together so well so it could possibly work out, but he doesn't like me like that. He keeps friend zoning me, constantly reminding me that we're 'best friends'.

I sigh and look down at my scruffy boots with zips. I'm no good for anyone, am I? I couldn't cut it out for Peej so I'm definitely not going to be able to please and keep Phil happy enough to keep me around.

Best friends it is.

We finish the run through and then me and Phil call a taxi to take us home. There wasn't any car radio so we just sat in silence, Phil looks over at me worriedly but I ignore it and continue to watch London fly by as we drive closer and closer to our destination.

When we get to the house I walk straight in and to my room, stripping and getting dressed into something more comfortable, not bothering with the bedroom door.

I finish and walk into the kitchen, deciding to cook myself some scrambled egg on toast to eat. I make enough for both me and Phil just in case he wanted some and when I'm done, I sit and eat at the counter in silence.

"Dan? Are you okay?"

I look down and I let the tears roll down, why am I so weak? Why am I so pathetic? Why am I crying? Seriously.

"I-I'm fine," I say, it wasn't very convincing as my voice breaks and I start sobbing.

Phil doesn't say anything, he just swivels me around in he chair and hugs me tightly to his chest and I hold on as if my life depended on it, I continued to sob and I couldn't stop, soon I could feel my arms or legs and I began to go light headed, my breathing pattern began to mess up even more and I got scared.

I was having a panic attack.

I felt worthless and I felt weak. Why now? Why in front of Phil?

"Shh, baby it's okay, calm down, listen to my voice," he coos, I try and calm my breathing, but it doesn't work.

I sit up knowing the most effective way to calm my breathing was to hold my breath, and I knew I couldn't do that on my own. Okay, this is going to make or break our friendship... Surely if not he would understand... Right?

"Dan?" He says looking in my eyes.

I lent in and planting my lips gently onto his and I felt fireworks and explosions and sparks and everything that I read in the books. I feel him stiffen and I pull away as my breathing calms.

"Thank you," I whisper before sliding out my chair and walking into my room and closing the door.

I sigh and climb into bed, letting the tiredness of the panic attack wash me into a deep sleep, with a faint smile on my face at the sweet memory of mine and Phil's very first kiss.