MALADRESSE ✞

1.1

Before I start, please can we all comment on the picture? Brendon Urie is God in a human body.

Alright let's start.

"Dan? I can't understand a word you're saying, slow down,"

"D-do you k-know y-y-yet?"

"Do I know what, Dan?"

"A-about P-Peej?"

"No, are you two alright?"

No. We wasn't. He's already left for somewhere— I'm not sure where, but when he left I just felt like it made everything more real, it was happening. He's gone.

Liek if you crie evry time.

I guess if I'm making jokes then it didn't mean as much as I thought it to be, but Peej has been my best friend since primary school, he was the person who picked me up, piece by piece and finally put me back together again, but he's also the same person who cheated on me- with an engaged man to the man I may or may not have confusing feelings for- and he broke my heart.

He broke my fucking heart. Into pieces. Even though he knows about my past.

I may not be any better with the thoughts I've had for Phil, but at least I didn't act upon them like Peej had done.

"T-they haven't t-old you?" I ask him over the phone.

I decided I needed someone to talk to, but I didn't reckon I could face the outside world, so I rang Phil as my next best bet. When he answered he sounded out of breath and his voice gruff, his voice changed when he heard my desperate sobs.

"Told me what, Dan? And who's they? Pj?"

"P-pj and C-Chris," I tell him.

"What about them? Dan, you're kind of scaring me, what's going on,"

"They've been cheating on us, Phil!" I wail before breaking down crying again.

I'm not supposed to be like this, I'm supposed to be calm- collected, not this.

"What?" Phil whispers.

"They've been cheating on us, Phil, with each other. I found out last week and I made Peej promise to tell you. I guess he backed out of the promise the asshat."

"You're lying!" He snarls.

"I'm not! Why would I need to lie? Don't you think I'm broken enough?!"

"YOU'RE LYING!" He screams.

"FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE, PHIL, I'M TELLING THE TRUTH. I AM HONESTLY TELLING THE TRUTH. I DON'T WANT TO CAUSE HARM BUT APPARENTLY EVERY TIME I OPEN MY MOUTH AND SPEAK THE TRUTH, I HURT SOMEONE ELSE.

"YOU DESERVE TO KNOW PHIL, THAT'S WHY I RANG, BUT IF YOU WANT TO JUST CALL ME A FUCKING LIAR AND NOT BELIEVE ME AND CONTINUE WITH YOUR HALF-ASSED ENGAGEMENT THEN I'LL NOT-SO-HAPPILY SUPPORT YOU. BUT DON'T COME CRYING TO ME WHEN PJ MANIPULATES CHRIS AND YOU END UP SINGLE WITH THE ENGAGEMENT RING BACK, OKAY?"

"Dan I'm scared," he whispers down the phone, his voice breaking even though it's low.

"Me too, Phil, me too," I whisper back.

"Can I stay at yours tonight? I don't think I can face Chris,"

"You can stay as long as you want, I kicked Pj out as soon as I found out. I gave him three days to move out," I tell him.

"That sounds great, thank you so much, Dan."

"Anything for the poor guy who's engagement got ruined and got hurt by my asshole ex,"

"And I'd do anything for the poor guy who was dating the asshole who ruined my engagement and hurt me,"

I chuckle quietly. "Just get your ass over here. You remember where it is, right?"

"I could walk there in my sleep,"

"I take that as a yes then,"

He laughs and it doesn't sound forced, I smile.

"It's a yes from me."

* * *

"Thanks again for letting me stay here,"

"Stop saying thank you, it's getting a tad tedious now,"

"Sorry,"

"It's alright."

I show him to his room and he stays there for a while and as I walk towards his door to ask if he was hungry- I hear his quiet cries, his little pleas for help. I silently open the door and I walk over the bed and climb to him, pulling him in my arms.

"They cheated on us, Dan." Phil whispers, I had to work out he was saying around the sobs.

"And they are idiots for doing so, why would anyone want to cheat on you? You're AmazingPhil for crying out loud! You bring smiles to the saddest of people and you teach people that it's alright to be different. Everyone loves you Phil, and Chris is stupid enough to choose his lust for Pj over his love for you."

"What about you? You're Danisnotonfire and you tell it how it is and you can relate to people more than I can! I'm just the 'little ray of sunshine' while you're the one who's down to earth with everything, well, until you have a existential crisis, then you contemplate why you're even on earth."

"Then that settles it, we are both awesome and they are idiots for not seeing that. Actually, they deserve each other,"

Phil smiles. "Maybe there is a bright side to this after all,"

"And what would that be?" I say, resting my chin on the older yet smaller boy.

"I'm here with you, it's a win-win really,"

I smile. "Why yes, yes it is."

We lay back and just lay there in the dark, holding each other tight as if we let go- it'd be for good... And I didn't want to lose someone else important in my life... one person I can barely cope with, but two, with someone as sweet, kind and gentle as Phil, I would just lose it. But I can't lose Phil.

Soon Phil's breathing calms and then I heard his gentle snores and knew he was asleep. For the first time in a while I felt like I could fall asleep right there and then. So I did.