Silence.
The room had been in complete silence for the past half hour, the tension slowly eating me alive.
I didn't mean to let what I did slip through my lips. I was just so caught up in the moment and Harry's quick, sharp actions that I had just about no control over myself.
"I'm sorry." I apologized meekly, turning my head in the opposite direction so I didn't have to see that look on his face any longer. There was rustling of sheets before Harry's arms found their way around my waist.
"Don't you ever, ever apologize for loving someone. I was just a little shocked is all. I didn't take into account how you must have felt while we sat in silence."
I just nodded in response, deciding that it's probably best I don't talk at the minute.
Did I actually love Harry? I can't, surely not.. We've know each other for the shortest amount of time it's impossible!
But if it was impossible why do I feel this way about him.. Why do I continuously allow him to take me down, I lose myself in him. Mind, body and soul... He controls me, he owns me.
"It's getting late, Des. We can talk about this more in the morning if you're up to it?" Harry mumbled into my shoulder, leaving a delicate kiss in place of his lips.
And so we did, reluctantly removing ourselves from the bed the following morning to make breakfast and pick up where we had left of the night before.
Harry had told me that it was all just a little complicated with his job being in the way, but he also promised me that we would work something out. It wasn't long after that, that I decided to pack up my stuff and head back home. Christmas was just a few short weeks away and I still hadn't done any of my Christmas shopping.
I was now standing in the middle of Westfield with absolutely no idea what to buy everyone. I kinda had a vague idea what to get Katy but I was completely stuck on Elysee.
After browsing through multiple shops and coming out empty handed, I rummaged though my handbag for my phone and called Katy. I was in desperate need of her help right now.
"Ah hello, what do you want now?" I slightly snickered at her response to me calling.
"Hello, Katy dear. Look I'm out Christmas shopping and I really need your help! I have no idea what to get for anyone and its a disaster." I stated in an overly dramatic voice.
It was now Katy's turn to laugh at me,
"You never really were good at shopping were you, Des!" I huffed in response, mumbling a quiet 'no, don't rub it in' before telling here to meet me at Westfield outside the home and garden center.
It wasn't long before an overly happy, overly excited Katy came skipping towards me from the other side of the mall with a goofy smile spread across her face.
"Desiree," She squealed, engulfing me in a bone crushing hug. I hugged her back just as hard with a slightly more 'normal' smile upon my face. "It feels like its been a really long time since I last saw you when I literally saw you not too long ago. Oh but it is so good to see you again babe, I missed you."
I smiled at that, me and Katy haven't been friends for the longest time but she is definitely one of the most important people to me.
"I missed you too Kate, I feel like I should spend more time with both you and Elysee but I just like to be alone sometimes.. It eases me."
(I meant to say Kate btw..)
"I know Desiree, don't feel like you obliged to hang out with us. We understand completely." I thanked her, intertwining one of her hands with my own and tugging her to no particular destination.
"Well, who are you shopping for?" Katy asked, mindlessly swinging out interlocked hands back and forth to the beat of steps.
"Um.. you, Elysee.. I feel like I should find something for Harry as well." She smiled, curtly nodding her head "And maybe something for my brother...." This caught Katy's attention right away, the swinging of our hands coming to a standstill.
"You never talk about him, I didn't even know you two still talked." My eyes cast downward, finding great interest in my half tied laces. "Oh, I didn't mean for that to sound that way. I'm just surprised is all!" Katy clarified, squeezing my hand in a comforting gesture.
"I still talk to him on occasion. He's my brother and I love him but he just reminds me too much of my parents and what I ran away from..." Katy smiled a sad smile in understanding, looking at me with sympathetic eyes. "Please don't look at me that way, it's fine really. I've come to terms with it all."
"Sorry," she simply replied before shaking her head slightly and pulling me into a department store.
There was so much going on it this shop that it slightly overwhelmed me, a bombardment of different candle scents, Christmas tree scentsicles, overstocked shelves and too many people for the size of the shop.
"Elysee is probably one of the easiest people to shop for, she literally love anything that smells nice or looks pretty!" I grimaced at how dumb I was, I had know that.. So why didn't I just figure this out on my own without pulling Katy from her daily duties.
I picked up a box set of Christmas nail polishes by OPI admiring the deep red and blue tones. They were pretty but would Elysee even like them?
"Ohh yes! Get those, El has been dropping hints to me all year about the Christmas nail polishes. She'll love you more then she already does." Katy explained laughing.
Well that was easy enough, but I still want to get her a few more things. Having virtually no family to buy for I have all this extra spending money that I'd much rather spend on people that I love then on myself.
After three long hours of back and forth shopping, I had managed to find a few things for Elysee, Katy and even Harry. I was unsure if he would find this weird? Or is he would reciprocate.. Either way he was still receiving gifts from me.
"I would say that this shopping trip was pretty successful, wouldn't you, D?" I nodded in response, to preoccupied with my own thoughts to give a proper answer.
"Is everything alright babe? You suddenly seem a bit off?"
Shaking the thoughts away I smile brightly at Katy, awkwardly moving all my bags into one hand and taking hold of her hand with my newly empty one. You could probably say that this trip was a little too successful.
-
It felt strange being back in my own apartment, in my own room, in my own bed... It felt like it had been months since I had last been here when in reality it had just been a little over a week.
It was too quite along with too empty. The sound of Harry's coffee maker wasn't buzzing through the apartment and his big frame wasn't crushing me in his over sized bed.
As if he were a mind reader, my phone lit up with a message from the one and only.
From: Harry;
I just wanted to make sure you were home and safe x
A wide smile spread across my face at his simple, but heartwarming text. He was checking in on me.
To: Harry;
I'm in bed as we speak:) x
Play it cool I kept telling myself, it's only Harry. That's exactly why you're trying so hard to 'play it cool' you idiot, my subconscious reminds me in her snide tone.
From: Harry;
Good, you should get some rest Des, I plan on taking you out tomorrow;) x
Oh my god, oh my god... cool, remember Desiree keep your cool.
To: Harry;
I'm looking forward to it.. Goodnight Harry xx
From: Harry;
Goodnight Desiree, sweet dreams babe xx
It was safe to say that I had lost my cool completely after his final message. I was going out with Harry tomorrow, Harry was taking me out..
That night my dreams were filled with a certain curly haired, green eyed man.
A man who was slowly taking pieces of my heart.
