(rewritten)
After forty-five minutes of absentmindedly getting dressed, I'm finally ready to go out and eat. Harry has been sitting alone on the double seater couch watching The Office and flicking through his phone the whole time.
I had come out several times to ask if he wanted anything or if he wanted me to just hurry up, but he was pretty chilled out about how long I was taking saying "You don't actually need any makeup but if it's what makes you comfortable." He knew how to calm my nerves and I am so very grateful for that.
So, after a long forty-five minutes of thinking about the card, the roses, and somewhat getting dressed I am finally ready to go. I'm wearing a snug turtleneck halter top, a tight black, faux leather mid-thigh skirt and an over sized fluffy coat. I also decided to go minimal on makeup since Harry had unintentionally convinced me that maybe I'm not too bad off without so much. I stuck to a bit of BB cream and matte red lipstick, my lash extensions really pulling through today.
When I re-enter the living room, Harry has his head in one of his hands and his phone in the other. He seems to be paying no mind to his surroundings until he hears the sound of my heels clicking along the tile floor. When his eyes met mine he audibly gulps, the grasp he has around his phone slipping as the device falls safely into his lap.
"Is it too much?" I asked, worry and embarrassment clear in my tone.
Harry chokes out an amused laugh, a furrow between his brows as he shakes his head at me as if I've lost my mind.
"Are you kidding me. You look absolutely beautiful." At his words, a bright red blush creeps its way up my neck to tint my already burning cheeks. I don't know what to do with myself so I just stand awkwardly with my arms behind my back in my own home.
"Do you wanna get going?" Harry asks, clearing his throat to which I nod furiously. I quickly dash back to the kitchen to pick up my phone and wallet before Harry takes a firm hold of my hand to begin leading us out of my apartment.
"We'll take my car, yeah?" I hum with a nod, more than pleased to relax on the drive.
"Yeah, my cars nothing compared to yours." I hesitantly laugh, palms slightly sweating and I silently pray that Harry can't feel the moisture.
There is silence between the two of us, it was pretty comfortable until he asked the question on the tip of his tongue. "Do I make you nervous?" Harry questions, opening and holding the passengers door open for me before getting in himself.
"Yes... No.. I mean you shouldn't. I just can't help but feel nervous whenever-" One of Harry's large hands comes over to cover my mouth, halting me from nervously saying anything more.
"I understand, it's okay though. I promise you'll get used to me being around and it won't be so weird anymore." His tone of voice shifts and he sounds like he is so sure of himself. However it worries me because we aren't suppose to be doing anything together once the deed was done. He was suppose to do his job and move on but it doesn't sound like that'll be happening.
Inhaling deeply, I closed my eyes and mentally brace myself for the question that is battling to tumble from my parted lips. "Harry?" My voice is quiet, timid in the space between us. He shifts in his seat to look at me, halting his actions of turning the the key in the ignition.
"Mhmm?" He hums, patience and curiosity dripping from demeanour.
I raise my head, open my eyes and stare out the windshield ahead of me, spitting out the burning words before I can think twice about it. "What are we doing.." There's a moment of silence before he briskly swoops in with his counter.
"What do you mean?" I release a shaky breath and start to bend my fingers back slightly, it's a nervous habit that I've never been able to grow out of.
"What are we doing, what are you doing.. You had a job to do, you did it.." I pause to take a breath, still refusing to meet his eyes. "I know I probably sound stupid or whatever and I'll probably regret this later but.. Why are you still with me, do you do this with everyone" Truthfully I don't want to know whether or not he does so this with everyone because right here and now I feel like Harry and I could maybe have a shot at being something more.
"No I.. This is new to me too alright. I've never sent anyone flowers, I've never taken anyone out on a date. I've never had sex with anyone in my own home let alone had anyone sleep in my bed." Harry is breathing deeply, his knuckles turning white against the steering wheel as he grips it tightly between his fists.
"I don't know what makes you so different.. You're Desiree Winter, the girl with the stunning face and pale skin. The utmost, purest human form before I touched you. You're an English rose; My English rose."
Harry's pupils dilate as he stares deeply into my own, his breath calming and his stiff hands loosening from their vice like grip.
"It's just going to be hard. I don't want to put so much into this and get so attached just to have it all knocked down!" I exhale a huff of near frustration at the situation I've managed to get myself into.
"Nothing's going to get knocked down. I promise. I won't let it-" The tears burning behind my eyes bring me to halt Harry mid sentence.
"Harry, you can't promise anything! Your job is literally to have sex with virgins.. I don't know if I could bare the idea of you not being both physically and mentally with me.. It's all or nothing for me and that'll just be too tricky." He sighs deeply, a frown between his brows once more.
"Desiree please, can we not have this conversation now." He's beginning to getting angry again so I decided that just this once I'll shut my mouth and let it slide. I feel the slightest bit guilty for bringing up the topic of his occupation. It's a low blow on my part and I just want to cry about it all over again.
I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth and go to push the door open but Harry is one step ahead of me as he quickly flicks the lock on the doors just before I can pull on the handle. "Don't." He mumbles, watching me from the corner of his eyes.
I sniff and wiped away the few tears that have managed to escape during my struggle. I don't want to show weakness because in all honestly, I don't have the right to. "I'm sorry," I whisper, bending my fingers backward once more, trying to distract myself from my own self destructive mind.
"Can we just continue this conversation when we get back? I was looking forward to today and I don't want anything ruining it for us." I buckle myself in and Harry takes that as the green light to go, slipping the key in the ignition and flipping the switch to start his car up.
"We have got to stop talking in this car park," I think to myself, groaning in annoyance to myself at my own slippery tongue as Harry turns his head, a small smile tugging at his lips to clarify that I was thinking aloud.
"I agree Desiree."
