Ø u r S e c r e t

O n e

"Stop yelling at me mom! Please!" I screamed my lungs out cringing to the
wooden table. "That boy isn't good for
you honey!" Once those words came
out of her mouth, my heart broke. "I love Josh! But you wouldn't understand that because all you ever think about is how much he is a jerk and a bad influence on me!" I retort getting angrier and angrier. "Sweetheart just listen to me. He isn't good for you. Just leave him already, will you?" She made her voice sound as sweet as possible trying to show empathy but there was not a chance that she was succeeding. "I am eighteen now for gods sake! I can do whatever the hell I want now!" "Darling I am just trying to make your life better than how it already is. I mean look at it. You've lost so much from that boy. You only have your family and your best friend to stand by you." And she was right. Everything she said was true. I have lost tons of friends because of Josh. Just because he has tons of tattoos, made him the bad guy. Josh was loving at times but on the other times he could be ...quite aggressive. Which made me uncomfortable at times but I surely did love every inch of him. He made me happy. And believe me, sometimes it's hard to get happiness out of me. He has this thing on me that I can't really explain. If I ever left Josh, his heart would be broken but mine would be too. Just the thought of leaving him gives me chills down my spine. It would terrify me seeing all of our love decay. If you haven't been wondering, Josh and I have been together for almost about 3 years. And yet my mom still thinks that he's a jerk. I don't know what it is with her. I mean she hasn't even stood up to meet him in a meanderingly way! ...it just bugs me. A lot ... I want my mom to be happy for me, just like how she was with my father before he died. Ever since I was a little girl, it always seemed like whatever she liked, I didn't like. Or whatever I wanted, she disliked. I never ever got to get my way most of the time but I guess I just had to deal with it. And now that I am eighteen, I guess I still do. It used to make me wonder if my mom ever really thought about how I would feel if I left the one person, I loved the most. But then again, it just makes me feel that she wouldn't care. I stare at my mom in silence. Eye to eye. I felt it, so I knew that I had to just say it. "Do you ever think about how I would feel, if I ever lost josh? He makes me so happy and you always have the courage to hate our relationship. Aren't mother's supposed to feel happy for their kid and support them all the way through? Because that's what I had thought. Correct me if I am wrong." I finish my sentence dreadfully watching my mother's face warm up, looking if she was going to slap me. And I was right. My head slowly tilts back in pain. I grab my one but now swollen and red cheek running away and into my room. Do you see what I mean? She hates our relationship and soon enough, she'll hate me too! I'm so tired of feeling this way. Feeling hurt because my own Mother can't support me through my relationship. I swim in constant pain because I know all she ever thinks about is her-self! Nothing is ever about her daughter, it's always about her. I plop myself on my bed putting my fingers to my temple. 'I don't know if any of this could get worse' , I thought. I know tons of people always use the phrase , "Always listen to your mother" but sometimes my mom can just get a little too out of hand... I want my mom to just be happy for me. That's all I ever will ask for. I mean, I'm sure that she is proud of some of my life achievements, like making the varsity soccer team ever since ninth grade but I mean how come she can't be a supporting mother to my relationship?

There was so much I wanted to tell my mom but I knew she wouldn't understand or listen. I'd probably get slapped again. Honestly, I wanted to get away from my Mother. I always had got the thought of running away but when I think about it all over again, it doesn't do any good. There is only six more months left of high school and I cannot ruin it. I get good grades. Either A+ , A- , or a B+. I've applied at many colleges, even a few in London. I've been working my ass off trying to get into these schools. If I ever got into London University, I would absolutely scream. Maybe even die inside. It's just such an opportunity for me. . .