Riley:
I felt my grip on the wheel tighten as I drove home. Tears stung my eyes. I picked up my phone at least twelve times anxious to text Laney and apologize but I couldn’t. I wasn’t a cryer, and it sure as hell made it hard to see where I was going. As if that wasn’t bad enough it started to downpour.
I found myself squinting to see every sign, ending up somewhere on the highway, far from home. I replayed the short while I was with Laney in my head. How things could have gone differently. I shouldn’t have yelled at her and I was beating myself up for it. I’d like to tell myself I said those three words two early, but I know that isn’t true. I waited years to tell her, and there was no way I could wait another second.
I watched the headlights through the blurred winshield as I drove off nowhere in particular. Thinking every so often about Laney. Okay, she’s all I was thinking about.
“Riley, eat this. It tastes so good.” Will said as he shook a bottle of glue in front of my face. I shook my head pressing my lips together as tight as I could. A circle of boys formed around me as they all attempted to squirt the glue into my mouth. “Hey! Let me try!” I heard an aggressive sounding soft voice yell. She pushed through one of the boys legs and told them all to move out. She was tiny with her hair combed behind her. She had bangs and a pair of silver framed round glasses. As soon as all the boys backed away she lunged herself at me, pinning me to the ground. Her small fingers pulled my lips apart and she squeezed some of the glue into my mouth. I remember sitting up, which knocked her off of me, and spitting it out.
“Hey! What gives?” she asked wiping the dirt off her butt. I took the glue from where she tossed it on the ground and stood up beside her. I was at least a few inches taller than her and I could see right over her head. I tipped the bottle over top of her perfect hair and squeezed it until I saw her jaw drop and her nose scrunch up.
The two of us walked to the office together and sat down on the bench. I was missing recess and I blamed the girl completely. She turned to me and gave me a scowl. Her feet were dangling over the edge of the bench and there was glue dripping onto her forehead. She turned to me again, but this time with a smile. “My name’s Laney” she said sticking her glue covered hand out. I shook it and nodded. “Hi Lay.” She corrected me “Laney.” Her voice was crisp and clear. I rolled my eyes, something I’d just learned how to do. “Whatever, I’m Riley.” She smiled. “It’s nice to meet you Riley.”
I smiled at the thought of her glue filled hair and tiny fingers squirming their way into my mouth. We’d been friends ever since then and I was so afraid that this was it. We’d never fought like this ever. I was scared. I remembered the last time I was this scared.
I beeped my horn as I pulled up to Laney’s house, not realizing she was already standing outside clutching her favorite blanket in front of her stomach. It was our junior year and she wasn’t my girlfriend anymore but I still felt the exact same about her as I did then. I was a little tipsy because I’d been drinking with the football team a little. She climbed into the seat beside me and I pulled away from her house.
She didn’t say anything as she stared out the window. I drove slow as my vision blurred. I turned to see her while we were at a stoplight. Her reflection in the window was staring back at me. There were tears lacing her cheeks and her bottom lip was in a pout and trembling. I always felt bad watching her cry, but she was the cutest cryer I’ve ever seen.
I laid a hand on her knee as we pulled into my driveway. She didn’t say a word until we got into my bedroom. She leaned her head on my chest and told me everything that was on her mind, everything she’d been going through. I could tell she was scared as she shook in my lap. I ran my hand up and down her back, humming quietly to her. She fell asleep like that and I let myself feel both anxiety and fear until I finally fell asleep too.
There were tears still draining from my eyes. I grabbed my phone and scrolled to her contact name. I clicked it and looked at her picture. She had her big eyes opened wide and her smile was spread across her face. You could see the little freckles she had on her nose and her high dimples were visible. She was wearing one of my flannel shirts over a bikini top and her nose was all scrunched up. I could remember taking the picture, and it made me smile a little.
“Riley bet I’ll jump?” She asked me standing on the diving board over the deep end of my inground pool. She wasn’t really much of a swimmer. She’d go in the pool but really only in the shallow end. Unless she was holding onto the edges. She was afraid of getting the water up her nose. “You won’t!” I screamed jumping in from the sides. I stood a few feet in front of the board and watched her as she crouched down, puffing her cheeks up with air. Her fingers were holding her nose shut and her eyes were squeezed closed.
She jumped into the pool and her tiny body barely made a splash. I wrapped my arms around her making sure she didn’t get water up her nose. I pulled her to the side and she got out of the water immediately. “Told ya so I did it!” she said doing a little dance. I got out of the water myself and walked over to where she was. I could tell she was shivering and covered in goosebumps as the sun was going down. I handed her a towel and she dried herself off. “Now my towels wet and it isn’t keeping me warm” she pouted as she said the words. I handed her my blue flannel shirt and she put it on.
I pulled my phone off the patio table and pointed it at her. “Hey what are you doing?” she asked trying to grab my phone. “You look cute and you need a contact picture so stay still for two seconds.” She scrunched her nose and smiled as I snapped the picture. “Show me!” I showed her the picture and we both laughed as I set it as her picture id. I started to walk into my house and as I did I secretly set the picture as my lock screen as well.
I was sobbing by now. I just wanted to hold her in my arms and hear her beautiful laugh. I picked up my phone and typed her a text message.
Riley:
I’m sorry.
I let my finger hit send and then
