Niall:
Her face was taking up the space on my computer screen. Her hair was pulled up in a high ponytail and she had rosy cheeks supporting her beautiful hazel eyes. She asked me how my flight was and I told her it was fine. I asked her how her day was and suddenly she was still. I watched her as she looked down at her hands. She twisted them together, something I’ve found her to do when she’s nervous. I tried to erase the awkward from the conversation by speaking. “So, how old are you anyway?” she looked up at the screen and I could tell she was about to let out a nice good cry. She swallowed hard.
“I’ll be turning 18 in the end of July.” I felt my eyes widen. She looked so young. Then I felt myself sigh, I was relieved. I was glad she was so close to my age. “So are you a senior in high school then?” I heard myself ask. She shook her head. “College freshman.” She looked proud as she said the words. “Well, I will be in the fall.” She laughed. I asked her what she was going to study and she lifted her fingers to count each thing. “Graphic design, creative writing, interior design and business.” She sounded so smart and confident.
We talked for a good hour about her going off to college and where she would be going. “I wish you’d take a year abroad here in London.” I whispered as I fixed my hair and place my snapback over it. A huge grin plastered along her lips. “I want to see you again. Soon.” I couldn’t stop myself from saying the words. She didn’t drop her head this time she just let her eyes well up with tears. They filled quickly and poured down her face. I was unsure of what to do. I just wanted to hold her. I didn’t know what was wrong, I didn’t know what I did to make her so upset. Her eyes were soft and they grew dark. Her bottom lip was in a pout and it was trembling. She looked so gorgeous, so adorable, yet so vulnerable and hurt. I finally broke the silence. “I’m sorry.” All I could hear from her side of the call was the low hum of her cry.
I watched her stand up and walk out of the frame. I heard a door slam and about a minute later she returned to her bed. I watched as she looked down. She was biting her lip and squeezing her eyes shut. Her laptop shifted and I could suddenly see what she was doing. She slid a piece of metal across her wrist. “Laney! Stop!” she didn’t listen to me. She did it again. And then again. I watched the blood bead up on her wrist. She was sobbing hard and loudly. Then she stopped and looked up at the screen. She looked up at me. “Why the fuck would anyone want to see me Niall? I’m disgusting, I’m gross. I’m a horrible excuse for a human being.”
My eyes grew clouded, everything was a blur. I looked away from the screen and let the tears sting my cheeks. I wanted to help her. I wanted to hold her. There was nothing I could do, I was thousands of miles from her now. I wiped my eyes and squinted across the room at my Justing Beiber calendar. I had interviews and signings all through the next two weeks. I let out a loud sigh. I felt myself sink into my bed.
I softly sang to Laney through the computer. Her breathing slowed. Her sobbing was rough and loud. It sounded like she was hiccupping between tears. Her bottom lip was bobbing up and down as she closed her eyes and let herself fall asleep on the other end of the call. It was only one o’clock where she was but I let her sleep. After saying “goodnight” not that she could hear me, I closed the lid to my laptop.
It hurt me to watch the tears run down her face. It hurt me to hear her say such nasty things about herself. And it absolutely killed me to watch her drag the blade across her skin. I tapped on the lid of my laptop and thought about the few days i’d spent with her. I picked up my phone and flicked to Liam in the contact list. I pressed talk and waited for the ringing to start. It rang six times and went to voicemail. “Call me back” was all I muttered as I hung up the phone and tossed it to a chair across the room.
It was nearing five when I finally pulled myself out of my queen sized bed. I dragged my feet into the kitchen not really in the mood to do anything. I opened the fridge and grabbed out some left over pizza, grapes and macaroni and cheese. It was a strange combination, but I didn’t care enough. After I swallowed the last of my meal I laid back on my bed with the tv on softly and shut my eyes. Minutes later I was awoken by the sound of my phone buzzing against the leather armchair in the corner of my room.
