Song Journal

Ghost

I try my hardest but the tears can't seem to stop
My head pounds in the same aching agony my heart and soul feel
Everything hurts
It feels like I'm the one who's dead
The worlds crashing around me
Tumbling down on top of me
Suffocating me
I can't breathe
Just like him
My best friend
My soul mate
My amazing father
I can't live without him
I don't know how to go one without his smile and his voice
I always seemed like I didn't care when he sang but it was the most beautiful sound on this Earth
I can't stop thinking of all the plans we made
All of the things we were going to do
The conversations we had
I'll never have anyone like that again
I'll never see him or talk to him again
And I don't know how I'm going to deal with that
He was the one I showed every single one of my stories to
Who always saw the best in me and pushed me forward
How will I go forward without him here still pushing me
And don't give me that spirit bullshit
HE'S NOT HERE
And he never will be again
Ever...
There's so much I want to say
But I cannot seem to find the words
It's still not registered yet
I want to go home
I want him to hold me and hug me tight and tell me he loves me
Dear GOD, why did I let him leave my concert last night????
I should've forced him to stay
If only I would've known
If only I could turn back time
I'm clutching his jacket tight
Hoping that if I hold it tight enough that I'll wake up and this was all just a terrible nightmare
I wish this was a nightmare
I feel like I'm about to throw up
It's so surreal
I was JUST WITH HIM YESTERDAY
He was supposed to pick me up from school today
We were supposed to watch our favorite TV shows together
I doubt I'll ever be able to watch them again
We never watched them without each other
I doubt I'll ever be able to do any of the things that we did without breaking down

Well my head hurts like shit so I think I'm gonna go. Sorry this wasn't much of a poem. Also sorry I haven't been updating anything recently. Idk when the next time I'll be updating is.
~Jax