Rejected and Broken (Cake 5sos boyxboy)

23: Stupid Thoughts

I finished this in ten minutes and I feel accomplished. -Sahara
PS. IF I CAN DO IT U CAN TO *coughe* katie

Calum's P.O.V

All I wanted was a decent meal and I wasn't getting that at home. My mom was always working and my dad just didn't care if I starved to death. He never even looked my way, and never once have I heard him say the 'L' word. It wasn't aloud in our house so that I would get to 'attached' to him. Like I would for everything he's done to me. He only cares about himself and is a lazy pig that doesn't do shit.

On the other hand I love my mom. When my dad wasn't around I would tell her I love her and she would do it back. She was a hard working woman considering that she worked for three in our house. I even had a job but that wasn't no where near enough to keep me and my family going.

I worked at a music shop a couple blocks away from my house. And the best part was that I got CD's for free and I got to jam out on my bass when the store was closed because most of the time I was the closer with my friend Ashton. He played the drums and we would work more individually than together considering the bass has to keep the same rhythm as the drums while the rest of the song is in a different harmony with a regular guitar and the singer. I sang a bit also but I wouldn't consider myself any good to be signed to a record label.

My mom was always there for me when she knew I was practicing, and she would be there to cheer me on, and make me feel accomplished. She made me feel confident to play and made me feel better about my 'talent'. I thought about all of this while I lay in bed on a Saturday morning at 10:00. I did much thinking at this time of the day especially when I had the house to myself.

I just didn't feel right about anything right now really. About Luke being my soul mate which no one knows about. Hopefully. My lack of strength to tell Luke how I feel, and my loss of courage to stand up to both my dad and Michael and let's not forget the fact that Luke never wants to talk to me again. I completely understand that he's mad and he has the right to be, especially for something so...so...big? I guess you could say it that way.

I felt so alone not knowing what to do. I had to do something with out someone else's help and I was going to do just that. I grabbed my phone, unlocking it, going to my contacts, and hovering over his name. I shut my eyes and pressed my finger on the call button, as soon as I could so I wouldn't change my mind. There was no going back now.

Sahara's P.O.V

I sat on the white tiled floor, blood covering most of the what used to be pearly white marble that I adored on my bathroom floor. I had a rush of pain coming over me. Thats exactly what I wanted. Looking from my arm to the sharp savor that lay in my other hand dripping of my warm blood. It felt so good, and it was my best friend ever.

At the same time I felt abused remembering my promise to Skyler that I would stop. I would do it for him. He never wanted me to do this. Skyler knew I blamed the loss on myself. It was hard to give up something that made you feel so good, like taking away a pack of cigarette's from an 80 year old woman that had been smoking for most of her life time, one pack a day at the most. You can't do that. Some people would think that it's okay to take it away, that their fine and they forget.

A knocked interrupted me from my thinking and I couldn't do much but sit there and laugh. Here it comes again. This is the worst part. The door bursts open revealing my best friend. I was screwed and I knew it. Might as well end it know right? I have nothing to live for anymore. The one reason why I was still here was because of Calum and Luke's situation, I knew how they both were feeling and since I never had the guidens I needed I wanted to help them out a little.

It hard to forget what I saw. Its hard to see someone you love tied up, bound by rope and murdered right in front of you not being able to help. Just crying silently to yourself and realizing, your dead.

Having to live with the sight and nightmare every night. I was so broken I cried all my tears away in one night and I never cried again. I laughed to seize my sorrow.