Where Have Our Souls Gone

Chapter 2:

The car smelled of Jem. The musky smells surrounded Xander. Lilac soap and the pine of the forest. Jem was coming home in a few days, but some major surgery would prevent him from doing most things. He had a concussion and part of his skull broke off. It would have had to be replaced with a metal plate instead of bone because, upon impact, the broken bone had shattered. The doctor said the exposed brain would have to be cleaned. It would be a dangerous process and could affect Jem's memory. Xander didn't mind that Jem would lose some of his memory, until he was told Jem would lose most of his memory. He would remember most of schooling. The thing was, he would never remember Xander. Xander would rather memory loss over death, though. At least he would still be able to watch over Jem. Xander told the doctors to go through with the process, even though Xander felt deep regret.

"Everything is going to be okay, Xan," Lily told him.

"I'm not getting my hopes up too high. But he'll be alright. At least there is more chance of memory loss than death."

"That doesn't bother you? That he wouldn't remember you, I mean."

"Of course it does. I mean, would you rather have the love of your life taken by Death or memory loss?"

"I see what you're saying. But you would live in pain either way."

"Yes, but I would still know that he is happy alive."

"Yeah...," Lily looked forward at the road and the cars in front of them, looking away from Xander. She couldn't bear to see Xander in such a state of sorrow. When she glanced over at him after pulling into the driveway she could see tears rolling down his face, "Come on, darling let's go make you something."

"Go home Lily, I'm not staying here," Xander said, getting out of his car.

Lily closed the door and attempted to walk over to Xander, but failing, "Then where are you going?"

"Lily, I don't know. Okay? I can't think straight."

"That's 'cause you're not," Lily giggled.

Xander sighed, having felt deep regret ever choosing Lily as a friend, "It's not time for jokes, Lily. I'm not in the mood," Instead of starting the car, Xander hopped out and walked to the front door. He hesitated but found enough strength to open the door. Immediately before him stood the majestic piano that was Jem's. Xander walked to it and began pressing the keys, trying to do as well as Jem. Xander wanted to know how to play, but he would leave it to Jem. It was, after all, more impressive when Xander didn't know how Jem did it.

Xander went to his room, ignoring all the dust Jem couldn't clean. He packed his clothes while It's always sunny in Philadelphia plays on the tv. It was Xander's favourite show. He just wasn't in the mood for laughing.

"Do not stand at my grave and weep," Xander spoke to himself, "I am not there; I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow,I am the diamond glints on snow,I am the sunlight on ripened grain,I am the gentle autumn rain.When you awaken in the morning's hush, I am the swift uplifting rush, of quiet birds of circling flight, I am the soft star that shines at night. Do not stand at my grave and cry, I am not there; I did not die. Halfway through packing, Xander sat on the bed. He sat for a long while. Thinking. Just thinking. About everyone. Would Jem be okay? Would Jem's side of the bed be the only side that would be cold? Would Jem even remember Xander, much less share a bed? He didn't know. He finished packing and walked into the living room. Out the living room he could see Lily talking to a woman. She looked around her mid-20s. When she turned around towards the window, she flashed her eyes. Cat eyes. The same melted gold eyes he had seen before. Lily knew her? She walked off and touched Xander's car and red sparks flew out of her hand. It was small, but enough for him to notice. She walked to the end of the driveway and a limo pulled up. Almost, if not, instinctively. Her attire was amazing, in spite of everything. She had a white shirt with blue everything else. Her dark blue blazer matched perfectly with her pants and stilettos. Her shoes had no scuff marks but the marks on the back of her ankle showed that she wore them a little too much. She was missing the ring on her finger, judging by her tanline. The skin was darker around where the ring was supposed to be. The limo drove away and the window rolled up.

Xander walked out with his suitcases in hand.

"What are you doing?" Lily asked.

"I'm leaving, Lily." Xander popped the trunk of his car and began to put the lilac and yellow suitcases in.

"You can't leave! What about Jem?"

"Who cares? I can't deal with Jem right now. I have to deal with myself. So I'm leaving," Xander gets into the car and starts it. Lily runs behind the car and stands there.

"Hmph," Xander grunts. He jerks a hard right and runs through the garden. Jem's garden.

"Really?!" Xander heard Lily scream.

"Yes, really," Xander swerved around Lily and pulled out onto the neighborhood road.