Rosie's One-Shots

NoochZahHutt: River

A/N: guys I'm sorry I keep hearing sad songs or I come up with sad ideas and my mind goes "omg that'd be great for Mat and Brandon"

But if it's any exception this is a Christmas song hahaha *nervous laughter*... No okay I'm sorry I'm a sad little human

••Brandon's POV••

Christmas was always his favorite time of year. He loved the cold, the snow, the lights, everything. I guess it was the Canadian in him.

It's coming on Christmas, they're cutting down trees. They're putting up reindeer, singing songs of joy and peace

He loved baking cookies. He loved the cheesy movies on TV. He loved ice skating. That, I think, was his favorite part of winter. He was such a graceful skater, and he seemed so at peace with everything as he glided around the rink. He'd tried to teach me, and of course -being Californian and all- I was pretty bad, because I didn't grow up doing it like he had. Some days, though, I wish I could've done better.

I wish I had a river I could skate away on

The thing is, I used to love Christmas time too. Every year I'd fly up to celebrate with him. It was on Christmas Eve one year, that he asked me to be his boyfriend.

But now, this Christmas, I was home in South Cali, far away from the snow and the Canadian chill. And as much as I hated the cold, being in the California heat was making me miss it.

But it don't snow here, it stays pretty green

They wondered why he just disappeared. My family always asked what happened to him. The fans, -oh, the sweet, clueless fans- all had their theories on why my videos lacked his presence, or I became dull when his name was brought up.

But I did my best to push him from my mind as I recorded. I wanted to make every video perfect. As soon as I got enough money, I would quit. I couldn't take YouTube much longer, not without him.

I'm going to make a lot of money and then I'm going to quit this crazy scene... I wish I had a river I could skate away on

I need to get away, I really do. That's why I want the money. I'd just disappear. There's only one place I want to go, though; back to him. I didn't care about the dark snowy days. His smile was bright enough. I didn't care about the chill in the air. His arms kept me safe and warm. But I didn't have him anymore. Someone else did.

I wish I had a river so long, I would teach my feet to fly.
Oh I wish I had a river, I could skate away on...

I did this. I pinned this all on myself. I said things I shouldn't have, I did some awful things. I made him cry. And my robot didn't cry. Ever. And he cried for me. He cried because of me. So when he ran off to Rob, to cry in his shoulder, I really shouldn't have been as heartbroken as I was. But at long as my baby was happy with Robby, I wouldn't intervene; even if it took all I had to force a smile for them.

I made my baby cry

Preston was my savior, while Rob was his. Preston tried my mind off him, and he did a real good job.

He tried hard to help me, you know, he put me at ease

Preston took me out on "dates". He kissed me. He held me while I cried. But he wasn't really my boyfriend. It was all in attempt to make me feel better. Some days, I thought he might have been truly in love with me, and that terrified me. I couldn't break my best friends heart... Again. Not again. I couldn't lose two of my best friends to the war of love; one casualty was enough.

He loved me so naughty it made me weak in the knees

Preston's escape was enough for me, some days, but others I couldn't even bare to look at the Texan without sobbing. It was so hard.

I wish I had a river I could skate away on

Months. Months I've stayed this way, unable to handle myself. Preston couldn't handle me, either. No one could. Everything I looked at, everything I heard, everything I touched, it all led me back to him. And every time I pictured him in my mind, it took everything not to burst out crying. I was weak, and I knew it, but I couldn't live without him. Though he seemed to be just fine without me.

I'm so hard to handle, I'm selfish and I'm sad

I didn't deserve someone like him. I really didn't. But he loved me anyway. He was everything to me. My entire universe revolved around him. We had a future planned out together. And yet we let some stupid rage-induced words destroy it all? What happened to the unbreakable bond we shared?

Now I've gone and lost the best baby that I've ever had
Oh I wish I had a river, I could skate away on

It wasn't until the day I got the invitation that the reality of everything smacked me across the face. One short year later, and he was getting married. To my old best friend, no less. Matthew Nuccoraine was soon to be Matthew Latsky. Funny, he told me he never wanted to change his last name. We'd always thought Brandon Nuccoraine sounded perfect. But I guess nothing was perfect.

Oh I wish I had a river so long, I would teach my feet to fly
Oh I wish I had a river I could skate away on

I went to that wedding, damn right. Christmas Day, I watched my baby get married to the love of his life. I watched them kiss, I watched them dance, I watched them smile standing side by side.

It was pure torture.

(A/N: Literally just had to stop writing because I'm crying so hard. What the fuck am I doing, guys?)

But I deserved it. I deserved every second of the pain that wedding caused me. He deserved every second of the happiness it brought him. They both did.

I wouldn't let them see me cry. I told them I had to leave early. They both hugged me goodbye. And do you know what it felt like? Just being in his arms, that one, final time? You probably don't. I'll save you the trouble, it stung. It hurt like a bitch. But I didn't let it out until I was far away from the event hall.

Until I was at the river.

I made my baby say goodbye

His river, my river, our river. The one he taught me to skate on. It was dark, sure, but I'd never forget how to get there. I didn't have skates. But I just took my shoes off and stood in the center of the ice in my socks. The ice wasn't that strong.

It's coming on Christmas, they're cutting down trees. They're putting up reindeer, singing songs of joy and peace

I sobbed. I let years of pain and sadness flow out of me, tears freezing as soon as they hit the thin icy platform below me.

Eventually, I gathered enough strength to send one final text.

You know where to find me. Though you won't find me how you think you will, I'm here. And I did this for you, so you wouldn't need to worry about me; not that you were. You probably weren't. But for what it's worth, Matthew Nuccoraine -sorry, Latsky-, I love you.

I threw my phone so it landed with my suit jacket in the snow.

The ice beneath me shattered.