Brielle
"You burning up ." I said taking Chris's temperature
He was throwing up all night, I would've went up here but there's nothing I can do to stop him .
"I'm cold again ."
"What do you want to eat ?"
"Fuck food ."
"You have to eat, you don't eat then your energy is off . You need protein and sugar, otherwise you going to keep dropping weight ."
"How long we going to go through this, I want you in here ."
"What do you want to eat Chris ?" I said ignoring what he said
"You here for a reason ."
"Only to get you right ."
"You here to take care of your man ."
"I don't have a man ." I got up
For Better or Worse I fucking know, I think I know what I said at my own damn wedding . I been through enough, I think I deserve something out of this . Yes, Chris and I had some good times together but right now the bad is starting to triumph the good . I'm here till he gets better, how long that will be I don't know . The way it's going it's not going to be a speedy recovery, he's shifting everyday to something new . Chris expects me to just stand by his side, hold him and look in his eyes . I can't look in the eyes of a liar, I'm standing by his side every time I bust my ass in this kitchen for him and check on him every two hours . I'm doing my damn part as a wife, I'm not going to sit here and act like I love him when I don't . I do not love Christopher Maurice Brown no more, I'm here for his health cause mine damn sure ain't been up in a while . When he gets better, I don't know what's next but I know I think I have to get used to my maiden name Brielle Carter .
'Here ." I said handing him a tray of baked chicken with corn on the cob and yellow rice . I walked in and he was crying "What's wrong now ?"
"I want my life back ."
"You will get there soon as you get through this ."
"I'm not talking about that, I'm talking about you ."
"Cut the bullshit, please . You won me over with crying over me before, that shit isn't happening anymore . I'm not falling for none of that shit you do, it doesn't work for me and nothing will Chris ."
"I'm going to get right, we going to re-do our vows ."
"Vows ? That's funny, worry about yourself . Stop thinking about me, it's only going to hurt you more ."
Vow ? That should be the last thing on his mind, it's not going to happen so he might as well let it go .
"Mommy, can we do something today ?" Josiah asked
"What do you want to do today baby ?"
"I wanna go out ."
"Where you wanna go ?"
"Can we go see that !" he pointed at the t.v as it showed the commercial for Monsters University
"Sure, as long at you all behave in the movie theater we can ."
"Can daddy come ?"
"I don't know JoJo ."
"But mommy !"
"I'll think about it, you know how he's feeling ."
He ran off, I sat there on the couch as X crawled up there . He know I don't like his ass on the furniture but I picked him up into my lap and gave him a kiss on his ear, I'm the only one taking care of this damn dog besides the kids playing with him .
"Mommy, mommy ! Come here !" Josiah shouted from at the top of the stairs
I ran up for him to drag me in the room to see Chris sitting on the edge of the bed hyperventilating .
"What happen ?"
"Daddy was throwing me in the air, then he started doing that ."
"He's just out of breath baby, I told you not to ask him to play . Go play with X till I get back, he alright ." I told him, Josiah ran out the room
"What's happening, make it stop ." he said breathing heavily
"You're going through a shortness of breath, it'll be over soon ."
"Feel that ." he said grabbing my hand to his chest
"You're heart is racing, in this situation it's normal you're alright ."
Without warning he grabbed me and pulled me down on to his lap, he placed his head on to my chest . Clutching tight to my body, his arms got tighter and tighter around me .
I would've got up but his ass was scaring me, if it's going to calm him down then I'll endure a little public display of affection . He was still breathing really heavy, he took my hand to wipe his eye then placed my arm around his neck . He was still breathing heavy, he buried his face into my chest and brokedown . I wasn't going to comfort him, Chris hurt himself doing this and he needs to feel every bit of this shit that'll teach your ass not to touch drugs again . If I wasn't going to do shit for him I wouldn't be here taking care of his ass, right now I care about him on the aspect that I want him to be alive for his kids . Be able to see his sons grow up and learn from his mistakes, be able to teach them this is the shit that happens when you lie to your girl . See your daughter grow up and suffer through her first heartbreak and pray her ass don't get pregnant younger than I did, show her to stay away from men like you .
After Chris was relaxed and caught his breath I went back downstairs, of course he rallied for me to stay and be in the room with him but I didn't want to .
"I'm taking the kids to the movies, do you need something ?"
"Can I come ?"
"I don't know, I don't think that's a good idea the way you look . Somebody see you and take pictures of you, they'll know real quick something going on with you ."
"It'll be dark, we'll dress down ."
"What if you start acting up ?"
"I'll go to the bathroom, please babe ."
I sighed "Fine, that's on you ."
The kids were happy to see Chris coming, I brought the tickets then they came in and took our seats . Chris sat on one end, I sat on the other, and the kid sat in the middle . I seen Chris hands shaking, he tried to control this as much as he could . We got through the movie with no major problems, when we got home I bathe them and put them to bed . And got into my spot where I belong, on the couch .
