Chris
It hurts me that I can't seem to do anything to make Brielle smile, I have to turn myself in to the police in less than two weeks . Brielle don't know what to do, I don't want to go either but it's something we need to deal with . I been thinking about trying to renew our vows before I have to leave but I don't know if I want to do that, I was thinking about trying to do it around a time where we're both happy and have no bullshit going on . Then again, if I do it before it's sets a new principle . We do it before I turn myself in the it set the messages that's she's going to be with me through whatever, facing jail time ain't no joke . If I re-marry her then that's just saying she'll be with me through hard times, I'm looking at it through a symbolic view . Then again, it might be short lived cause I won't be around for long and might be gone even longer . I don't want to tell her if I do it this week cause when we do this I want it to be a surprise, but I think I should get her input before I up and spring for a wedding for us . I want it to mean something to her, if doing it now isn't going to make it better than what it was before than we can't do this .
"Ma, I need to talk to you . I'm in a tough spot right now ."
"What happen ?"
"It's Brielle, it's like she died during this whole jail bull crap . I can't do nothing to tell her everything is going to be alright, cause no matter she's going to worry about me . I think she's pregnant and she's not telling me, she hinted at it ."
"What did she say ?"
I laughed "Well, I can't tell you word for word . But she said, if I don't stop I'm going to bring another baby in the house . Before all that was said, when I was trying to get it started she said . . . God Ma, I can't talk about my sex life with you ."
"Oh boy please, I diapered you I know what's down there ."
I laughed "Iight well, when I tried getting it started she was like she wanted it quick cause she didn't feel good . I asked her what's going on and she said she was feeling disgusting cause she was packing on a few pounds and was feeling week ."
"She could be getting her period ."
"I don't know but it ain't like she can't tell me, it's going to come out soon if she is what's the wait for ?"
"Chris she might be scared as you going away, I'm scared too . . . I don't want to see my baby go either ." she said starting to cry
"Ma not you too, come on I don't need this right now ."
"You just work too hard for this, I don't want to see it completely gone ."
"It's not going no where, I'm scared too but I can't have you break down on me ."
She toughened up "You right, you right I'm back . What else is going on ?"
"Brielle and I been thinking about renewing our vows, we haven't talk about whether we want to do it privately with the kids and no family or you and her parents . Anyways though, I been trying to get this done for the longest but something got in the way . I want to do this, I don't know if I want to do it now or later though if I do it later I don't know how long it'll be ."
"I'd say wait, have something to look forward to when this is over ."
"I want to do it now though ." I said burying my head in my folded arms
She rubbed my back "Sleep on it tonight, think about what you want to do . Get her opinion maybe or do what you want to do . It's up to you ."
I have a lot to think about in so little time .
"Daddy's home !" Ava said running to me
God, I swear I love my baby girl "Hi pretty girl, where's your mommy ?" I smiled picking her up
