Brielle
You ever have one of those moments when you stop what your doing sit and listen in on the song playing and it completely takes control of you . It might take you somewhere special, might take you somewhere dark, and might take you somewhere you just don't wanna go ? After getting back from this wedding surprise with Chris the Queen released this secret album, I was folding clothes in the room while everybody was napping . Wasn't even paying attention to what was playing, but I stopped for some reason and listened to the words and it took me somewhere I wasn't trying to go .
Been Having Conversations About Breakups and Separation, I Not Feeling Like Myself Since the Baby .
Are We Even Gonna Make It ?
Cause If We Are, We're Taking This a Little Too Far .
If We Are, We're Taking This a Little Too . . . Far
Me Being Wherever I'm At, Worrying Wherever You Are .
We're Taking This a Little Too Far .
I snapped out when the beat changed, it had me thinking heavy though . I don't understand what the hell she means, saying if we are we're taking this a little too far . I pushed this for as long as I can with him, Chris has been in deep waters with me since before Caeden was born . We had our talks of separation . I wanted to leave so many times but I never did, that song got my mind all fucked up . I feel like nothing has been right since I lost our baby that was my wake up call to everything around me, and I do think on a daily basis if we are really going to make it . I feel like I stepped back into reality coming back from Puerto Rico, we took a trip and ended up renewing out vows so we can have a fresh start but you can't erase the past .
"Look at my wife, fine as she is carrying my baby . Come here let me put the tip in ." Chris said holding me from the back
"Eww ." I laughed "Get your ass nasty ass away from me ."
"Real quick, everybody sleeping ."
I giggled "No, get away from me . I'm serious, I don't feel like it right now ."
"What's wrong ?"
"I feel like any minute I'll throw up . I can't do this anymore Chris, I'm strongly considering tying my tubes for real . Cause I already know your ass ain't going to wear a condom ."
"We stop that years ago, ain't no point if we married ."
"It is a point if we already knee deep in kids, you not the one carrying them ."
"Yeah babe ." he said still holding me from the back kissing my cheek "You say that now but we both we ain't done getting the team up ."
I pushed him off me. "We, might not be done but I'm done . I'm tying my tubes, that's it ."
"Why do that when you can change your mind down the road ?"
"I wanted to tie my tubes since Caeden, I didn't for that reason . But we on our 5th kid, either you get a vasectomy or use condoms
"Fuck that, I ain't getting no damn vasectomy ."
"Exactly, problem solved ."
"The hell it is ."
"Why can't I get it done ?"
"I'm not going to stress you out, it's too early in the pregnancy . You have fun with your thoughts ."
"Why do you have to bitch out ? We only talking Chris, perfectly good time shared between us is fucked up now cause you wanna be in your mood all cause I said some shit you ain't like ."
"I'm going to pick up something to eat ." he said walking out
Chris
Since coming back home from renewing our vows, I cut off the unnecessary people I used to fuck with . I haven't talked to Ashleigh since we left for Puerto Rico, I just want this second chance to be right . Make up for all the shit I did wrong, cutting her off would make Brielle happy . I know I get away with a lot of shit, after coming back home I realized I think I do that shit cause I know she ain't going no where . If I loved her as much as I say I do I wouldn't be messing up as much as I do, I tend to not think shit through before I do them .
Ashleigh - Did I do something wrong ?
- Nah why ?
Ashleigh - I haven't talked to you in a minute, when I do it isn't for long I just thought maybe it was something I said . 3:18 PM
- I'm good . 3:23 PM
Ashleigh - Kay well I was wondering if you wanted to see me today . 3:24 PM
- Nah, I'm good . 3:27 PM
Ashleigh - Okay, well how about tomorrow ? 3:29 PM
- Nah, I'm good . 3:36 PM
Ashleigh - Maybe when your available then 3:38 PM
I didn't bother responding, didn't feel like repeating myself . Ashleigh was a good little project, I want to separate just in case I get myself out of hand . I started thinking about that little talk Brielle and I had she said things about her tubes here and there before but obviously we ain't pay it any mind, I honestly saw myself slapping some sense into her when she said maybe I should get a vasectomy . I would never do no shit like that, I don't trust that shit . It would honestly make me feel like I'm less than a man for doing that shit, I don't want her tying her tubes so early though . She still got some miles on her before that option would be acceptable, I don't want her to do something she'll regret and I'll be mad at .
When I came back, Brielle was laying on the bed her face looked discolored she covered mouth as I stepped closer with food .
"Get that out of here ." she slurred
"You alright ?"
"I'm fine ."
"You need something ?"
"Leave me alone !" she said looking like she had gagged
I put the food out in the hall then walked back to her .
"Baby I got you some ginger ale ."
"I don't feel good Chris, just get out my space give me some room to breathe damn ."
I leaned down to give her a kiss on the cheek, but she pushed me out the way racing to the bathroom . Brielle was sick all night, her face looked a little green and her body was shaking . I'd ask if she want to go to the hospital but she said she was fine, I slept down stairs cause she said the scent coming from my body was making her more nauseous she ain't ever had sickness like this .
