Illegal Love

Chapter 49

"That day when dad raised his voice at you during dinner..." Kian said, "You had that... breakdown, remember?" He said. I nodded, not knowing/understanding why he was bringing it up once more "Has that happened a lot recently?" Kian asked.

"It happened at dinner, then last night after our conversation." I said. "It's happened before at my old house but I don't know what they are." I said, looking down at my hands, "I don't know what's wrong with me."

"Rose..." Kian said then reached to hold my hand but I scooted away. "nothing is wrong with you."

"Then what's happening to me?" I asked, my hands starting to tremble. Kian put an arm around me then said, "They're called panic attacks, they come from anxiety and stress and depression, things like that..... " He took a breath before continuing, "I have them too." he said.

"You do?" I asked then looked up at him. "But you have such a great life." I said.

"It may seem like it but there's lots of things you don't know about me." Kian said. "Anyways, panic attacks aren't bad.. like my friend Zoe from England says.. you are like a car in a parking lot that alarm goes off from a gust of wind, compared to the other cars that go off when someone is breaking into them." Kian explained.

"So there's nothing wrong with me?" I asked.

"Nothing at all." Kian said.

"Why do I have these panic attacks?" I asked.

"Well... it's based on what's going on in your life. Are you freaking out over anything? Is anything stressing you out?" he asked. I looked down at my hands. "What is it?" He asked me. I shook my head. "I won't judge you, I just wanna help, that's all." Kian said.

I took a deep breath then looked up at him, staring into his eyes. "I just.. can't figure my life out right now" I said.

"Anything in specific?" he asked. I continued looking down at my hands which rested upon my lap. "Rose, it's better to vent and tell people about your problems than to bottle it up inside." he said. I looked up at him.

"It's kinda just you and Chris." I muttered. "I was so sure I trusted Chris until Luke told me he was a heart breaker and you told me about your feelings... Now I don't know who I have feelings for." i said.

"You gotta do what you think is right." Kian said.

"I don't wanna hurt you or him though." I said.

"Here's the thing...." Kian said, "I know this may seem selfish but you have to care about your own happiness before others sometimes."

"Did your friend Zoe tell you that too?" I asked.

"No, my friend Connor." He said chuckling, which caused me to smile.

"There's the smile I missed." Kian said. I smiled a bit wider, looking down at my hands again. I felt Kian cup my chin with his hands then tilted my head to face him. "I have strong feelings for you, and I would love for you to be mine... but all i want is for you to be happy. No matter who you are with." Kian said. I nodded, "thank you." i said.

I heard my phone go off again and I looked at my phone. I was put into a group chat with Kian, Luke, Jenn, Andrea and Chris.

Andrea: Aye Fam what's up?

I sighed as I looked back at Kian. "I can not thank you enough Kian." I said as I put my head on his shoulder.

"It's what siblings do." he said. I sighed as I closed my eyes, resting them.