Prodigious Abyss (I love you , best friend)

chapter eleven : nostalgia

It's during mornings like these ,
While lying on my bed as the first rays of sunshine penetrate my room, that i get nostalgic .

Moments like these where i remember my formal life , the life that has passed and gone .

I recall mornings in our luxerious house that i can barelly call home , breakfast served by servents , coming in and out from every corner and door , cleaning , arranging , surving ..
They probably know alot better about the hidden corners of that spacious house more than i do .

I remember how i wake up , and keep waiting for the rest of my family members to follow me in the breakfast room and i act like i just came down myself , just so i can share a meal or even a coffee with my 'beloved' family .

I always ask myself the same question in times like these ;

where would i be if i stayed ? What would have happened to me if i had let go to be my mother's new toy ?

But they are just thoughts , we can never run away from our past .

And i convince myself just like everytime , that bringing up these memories is normal .

And i leave my bed , and push myself forward to start a new day .

***********

It's a wednesday , its been two days since the fight with daniel , two days since i got my stitches , and two days since christan asked me out .
Our so called date is due to this staurday , and i'm kind of looking forward to it .
Not excited but just curious .
Christan seems like a cool guy , definitlly worth the try .

After finishing up with my morning routine , i headed to the kitchen to get some breakfast , it was 8 am .

I walked in and spotted daniel in the balcony , sipping his daily black coffee in the avengers mug i gave him in his last birthday .
He looked calm , yet i can see how much he's carrying inside .
Looking ahead of him , into the void , abscent mindedly .

I look back and watch him , every rise and fall of his broad shoulders with every breath he takes .
Eyes narrowing , focusing on nothing and everything as if he was aiming for something specefic .

I wonder what's going on in his mind ? What could he possibly be thinking about ?

He always seemed to me like the type of people who doesn't carry a huge load over his shoulders , always layed back , relaxed , enjoying the moment .

Or maybe that's what he wants me to see , maybe he's that good of a friend , to not show this part of him so no one gets sespecious or worried about the thoughts he might be having or the loads he must be carrying .
What if he seeks to let people know that they are not alone , and eventually he is the one that ends up alone ?
What if he's feeling lonely ?

I realise that i got carried away with thoughts , like everytime .
I shake my head putting away all these thoughts and look at him more carefully , and i remember how much distant we have been these couple of days , specifically after my incident and going to the hospital .

He has been acting cold towards me , or maybe acting cold in general .
I felt like he was avoiding me , more like trying to avoid conversations with me , so he just kept them plain and simple . I didnt try to force him into talking , i just let it be .

I run a thought across the events that took place , trying to find a small detaill , a one maybe i can't remember , that can explain the reason behind his strange behaviour .
But i fail in doing so , as i find myself unable to remember such detail .

I walk towards the balcony as he's still watching the empty streets abscent mindedly ...

"Good morning danny " i say softly so i won't scare him .

his head snaps towards me , in surprise as i just caught him having a moment with his thoughts , but he soon recovered with a clearing of his throat and a cold and serious expressing taking over his features .

" hey , good morning " he replied .

"Are-" i started .
But he spoke at the same time as me cutting me halfway :

" i'm late for work , i have to go now . Have a great day . " he said walking passt me leaving me breathless like he jut cut off the oxygen from my lungs by walking away without a second glance .