Prodigious Abyss (I love you , best friend)

chapter seventeen: making changes

I couldn't wrap my head about the news i got after leaving the bank. I didn't know how to feel about all of it , be happy cause i'm rich , or be mad because my parents knew all along where i was and didn't bother to call or contact me in any form.

I appreciate the gesture of sending me money so i can manage to live a comfortable life , but that's not what i was seeking from my parents. It was always about money with them , they drowned in luxury along time ago and they forgot that there's more to the world than high status and powerful family names.

It is exactly why i left them , i couldn't let myself become like them , i couldn't let them transform me into the perfect daughter , the one they lost.

I think about them all the time , sometimes i would look at my phone and struggle over whether i should call them or not. I miss them , even after everything we've been through and all the hardships they've made me experience. But they are my parents , and i love them. We had our times , when no one was looking and we were alone in our big mansion.

 we had our moments , me and dad would go to the guest house without telling maman and we would watch sports and drink beer instead of fancy wine. she would call it unlady like and send me to my room to find something more "useful" to do.

And even though she seems tough and merciless on the outside , my mother is a big softy at heart , and i saw that in her , she always tries to hide it but not from me , i can see it in her whether she wants to or not.

 Mother had an amazing singing voice , my father told me that she used to sing to me all the time when i was a child , and i assume that's from whom i got my voice. The only thing i enjoyed doing with her was baking , she makes amazing pies , but i've always sucked at baking so she would always make me sit down , watch and she would let me lick the spoon when she's done.

the latest events got me seriously thinking about whether i should conatct them or not. Its been a couple of days now since i've been to the bank and it is the only thing i had in mind ever since.

I managed to borrow some time from Daniel , he's been very busy with work , and of course his new lover , Sarah the snake. I hate the fact that i had to ask him to spare me a minute so we could talk , it has never been like this . We have always been there for each other any moment of the day. And i blame the snake , they've been going out for only a couple of weeks and she managed to steal him away.

We sat in the kitchen the day i went back from the bank , and i told him the news over dinner. He was as surprised as i was . He thinks that it's a sign , i've been away from my family for a long time and he thinks that i should at least call and say hi or something.

we didn't discuss it further as he left that night after dinner , to spend the night at Sarah's.

***********

It's 9 PM and i've been staring at my phone for almost an hour now , i dialed and deleted my father's phone number over a hundred times by now. My hands are shaking , my mouth is dry , but it's now or never , i need to do this , it's been so long and it's the right thing to do , i only wish Daniel is here with me , i could really use his support , but i'm thankeful for Cara's presence. As much as i hate to admit it , i guess she's my new best friend now.

"Come on  Emma , grow a pair and do it . If anything , they're the ones that should be nervous not you , you didn't do anything wrong. They are the ones that drove you away." she said , frustrated.

"I know . It's stupid , i don't know why i'm this nervous." i replied.

After few inhales and exhales and some encouragement talk from Cara i held the phone to my ear as it beeped. My heart is hammering so bad it could pop out of my chest any moment now.

"Hello" i heard i deep voice from the other line .

my eyes widened , my grip on the phone was too stong i could feel my knuckle bones hurting.

"Hello ? who is this?" the voice said again , it sounded hoarse.

"Hi" i replied , breathless.

we both stayed quiet for a while , i heard noises from the other line , and then i realized that it's almost 3 AM in france. Nice Timing!

"Is it really you?" he asked , it sounded more like he was asking himself.

" It's Emma , you're daughter" i clarified " I'm sorry , i just realized it's late there , i shouldn't have call-"

" No no , it's fine really darling. Don't hang up." 

"okay ,i won't " i replied smiling to myself

"How are you , are you alright ?" he asked

"I'm okay dad , how are you ? how's maman ?"

"We're alright , we're worried about you , you're mother is really concerned about your well being"

"I'm safe , and i'm home. Don't worry about me" i replied " the thing is , i just came to realize that you've known where i was ever since i left you , i thought that i hid myself well from you but i was a fool to believe that. you've always known where i was and what i'm doing."

"Yes , i do . But your mother doesn't know anything about you. she doesn't know where you're satying , i assure her every now and then that you're okay and safe but i've never told her where you're living."

"why didn't you ?" i asked him confused.

" Because i figured that you need this , you need your time away from us. We were wrong darling , we were so wrong , we shouldn't have treated you the way we did. It's eating us alive every moment of every day. You're mother have been feeling very sad ever since you left , she tries to hide it but not from me , she's sad and she feels guilty. I didn't share the informations i knew of your whereabouts because she wouln't leave you alone if she gets a hold of you.

i wanted to give you the time you needed, i think it's your decision and you'll come back to us whenever you feel ready." he explained. He sounded tender , sweet , caring. My father always acted strong , he never sounded like this before.

"Thank you" i breathed out , i wiped the tears over my cheek and smiled , it really does feel nice talking to him after all this time.

"How about you call me tomorrow darling and we could talk more , what do you say ?" he asked yawning.

" Yes , yes i will , and tell maman i said Hi , okay ? i'll call you both tomorrow morning." i smiled behind the tears.

"Very well , good night " he replied.

"Good night dad , i love you."

" I love you too ,darling."