determinant intricacies | 2

ix.

over time,

i got used to ulysses.

he became

surprisingly tolerable to be around.

i was merely

overreacting,

so i shook my head

in amusement

whenever the thought

of my past hatred

toward him

came about.

'alex, you idiot..'

i said to my subconscious mindlessly,

'what were you even worried about?'

i could hear her,

scoffing in embarrassment.

'you were jealous.'

she said to me finally.

'you didn't

want him

to be with her,

knowing you stood

no chance

against him.'

i clenched my fists,

not wanting to hear

what she was telling me,

despite the fact

that it was all

true.

she kept going,

'i'm not saying this

to be sexist, alex.

let's face it;

they're both

straight,

you're

bi.

why would daisy even like you-?'

she immediately stopped

when she realized

that i was crying.

'..alex..?'

i stopped talking to her altogether.

i couldn't bear the thought,

even though it was true.

everything was true.

it was all true.

and i hated myself

even more for it.