determinant intricacies | 2

xvii.

i felt

emptier

without

you.

it was lonely

without

you.

i wanted

to talk to you

so badly,

but

i didn't

want

to risk

hurting you.

i would lie in bed,

staring

at the ceiling,

wondering

what to do

with myself.

so

i called

fiona.

"hello?"

she asked me.

"it's getting worse,"

i told her,

the pain in my voice

could be heard

quite clearly

on her end.

"alex,"

she whispered.

"listen.

do what makes

you happy.

but, please.

be careful.

i don't

want you

to get hurt.

seeing you hurt

will only

break

me.

please, alex.

please

take care of yourself.

okay?"

i heard

a crack in her voice,

she really did care,

after all.

i clutched my phone

tightly in my hand.

i closed

my eyes

and answered her,

"i will."

i didn't realize

that letting you go

would end up

hurting me

more

than it would be

hurting you.

oh well,

so much for that,

i guess.