"Kimberley, is that you?" I heard Nadine ask as I closed the door over.
"It is," I answered, throwing my bag down and kicking my shoes off.
"Ooh my god!"
I looked up to see her running towards me, her arms out wide.
"I've been so worried," she told me, pulling me close.
"I left you a note," I told her, hugging her back and giggling when I felt Pixie scurrying around me legs, trying for my attention. "And I've only been away for two days."
She pulled away, her eyes brimming with tears. "You weren't answering your phone to me and I couldn't remember your mum's number... I was so worried."
"Come here you silly cow!" Wrapping my arms around her again, I felt a pang of guilt for ignoring her. "I'm sorry," I apologized. "I just needed some time to myself."
"All that matters is that you're safe," she replied.
* * * * *
"What's that?" Nadine asked.
"A letter," I replied as I sat at my desk.
She walked over, placing a mug of tea down infront of me. "Here you go," she smiled before sitting herself down on the edge of my bed.
"Thanks."
"So..." she started, her nails tapping at the side of her own mug. "What's the letter about?"
"It's a letter to Cheryl."
"Ooh..." she let out.
"It was my mum's idea, she helped me write it, but I can't help but feel that I need to add more, I need to express myself more, I need to tell her how I feel." I looked up at her, praying my emotions wouldn't take over.
"Can I read it?" she asked.
I could feel myself hesitating. "If you want..."
"If you don't want me to then it's ok," she smiled, sensing this.
"No, no... here." Picking it up, I held it out for her to take.
She offered a smile before she started to read, her concentration focusing solely on the words I had wrote.
The outside world seemed to fade away as I waited for her to finish, waiting for her reaction.
"Well... it's already pretty deep to me," she eventually said.
"I just... I just want to say so much more, though!" I told her, frustration getting the better of me. "But, I don't know how to... I want to tell her so much, but I just can't find the words," I then sighed. "It's really hard."
She got up from her spot on my bed, leaning down infront of me. "You think it's hard, but it isn't," she said taking hold of both my hands. "Do you love her?"
I sighed, again with that question! "My mum asked that very same thing," I said, bowing my head.
"And...?" she urged, reaching up to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear.
"It's impossible to fall in love so quickly," I answered.
"No it isn't... I've only been with Jason for two months, and already I know that I love him."
I finally gave in, my tears slowly trickling from my eyes. "I care about her," was all I could muster.
"Well... you have to tell her that," she encouraged, her hands moving to my thighs. "You have to add it to your letter."
"It's hard."
I heard her sigh. "Why is it hard Kimberley? Why? You are here... in your room... alone, or at least you will be soon. It's just you, a pen and a piece of paper... write down what you truly feel, tell her what you want her to know, babe."
It sounded easy, it sounded like a walk in the park, but it wasn't.
"I'm scared," I confessed, realising how stupid I sounded.
"Of what?"
In all honesty, I was scared of a lot of things. I was scared of writing down my true feelings, only for her to laugh in my face. I was scared of writing it all down because I knew I would end up discovering I cared more, I would realise how deep my feeling ran, I would admit them if I wrote them down.
I was scared of being rejected.
"I don't want to push her further away, Nadine."
She looked at me sympathetically. "I don't think you can push her any further."
I took in her words, realising she was in fact right, it wasn't possible for me to hurt her anymore than I already had.
Things could only get better.
"Could you give me some time alone?" I asked, placing my hands over hers and giving them a squeeze.
"Sure thing," she smiled.
I watched as she got up. "Thanks," I said.
"Just shout if you need anythin', ok?"
I waited until she had reached my door before answering, "I will."
She closed my door over as she stepped out, leaving me alone once more, alone to gather my thoughts.
I stood up and walked over to my bed, picking up the letter. I had to tell her more, I had to tell her the truth.
