Cracking Zeenath

December 28th, 2015: The Way The Story Goes

A blinding white light surrounding everything. Slowly things started to come into focus. Red hair. Blue eyes. Grinning. A face that's been haunting me forever.

Evelyn looked at me, grinning. "Hey Zeenath. Come on! We need to go!" She waved me forward and started running. I raised my hand. "Wait for me!"

I got up.

"You see it?"

I looked around. "No what?"

She giggled, ignoring me. "It's beautiful, isn't it?"

I shook my head. "I don't see it, Evelyn."

"It's my mom's wedding dress."

I stopped. This wasn't Evelyn. This was a memory. The room came into focus, the air buzzing around me. Evelyn was sitting by a pile of clothes, pointing at a white dress in the corner, staring at it.

I saw my hands reach out and touch it. Yeah, it's pretty.

My voice was coming from somewhere far away.

Evelyn giggled. "Yeah. Someday, when I grow up, I'm going to wear it and be a princess too!"

My heart twisted and I turned towards the dress. It was getting blurry and I narrowed my eyes. Wait.

The room started to lose focus, and fade, taking Evelyn with it. "No, wait! Wait!"

I tried to stop it as it faded to black.

A fire started up in front of me, making me jump backwards. A camping site.

Evelyn, now older, sat beside me.

I remember this. We'd gone camping to take her mind off her dead dog, Daisy. It was getting old and died a few days ago.

"It sucks."

My younger self nodded, staring at the fire. "Hmm."

Evelyn stretched, rubbing her face. "Ah...they say nothing ever leaves without teaching you what you need to learn." She smiled, eyes sad.

I turned towards her.

"I learned, alright. I learned to forgive, whenever she made a mess inside the house, or ruined my stuff. I learned to take a stand, 'cause that's what she used to do for me when the older kids came over to annoy me. I learned, Zeenath. And maybe that makes it okay."

I sighed. Evelyn.

The memory zoomed out and I stumbled, losing my balance. What's next?

Me. Sitting at a computer. Typing away.

Oh. The letter to myself.

I walked forward to read it, just as it zoomed away again. "Crap, I didn't read it yet!"

Me standing in at Evelyn's funeral, eyes cold as stone.

My breath hitched.

A voice, my voice, started playing in my head.

They say everything happens for a reason. There's a reason the sky is blue, a reason the sun sets when it does, and a reason I'm still here.

I want to fly, kick myself free from these bonds and float. Just float. Not going anywhere.

I want to learn to sing freely, and not give up when it gets hard to breathe.

I want to be strong, and plant my feet in the ground so deeply, hurricanes can never tear me down.

I want to live in such a way, that I can build up others so they don't drown.

I want to be a writer, using words to touch others. I want to be successful.