One step before me

-{Chapter 12: Cookies}-

"I'm telling you. He was staring at me with that white blank mask! I was THIS close to pee in my pants" I told him restlessly. I couldn't sleep after the incident from yesterday.

"Okay. You have either been seeing things because of what happened last time or it really happened. Are you sure you haven't sniffed sugar or Nutella by any chance?" He asked me jokingly.
"Do I look that dumb?" I asked him sincerely.
"Yeah" He responded. I wish that wasn't as sincerely as my comment.
"I'm going to school now..."
"Good girl! the school is a good thing. You shouldn't end up like a door-holder like me" He told me before ending it with a 'BJ-out'. Door-holder?

I went outside and locked the door behind me. Soon enough I was standing right in front of the school. School is a nightmare. And yet we gain good things like knowledge from it. Next time I see BJ I would like to call him door- holder. A small smile formed on my face. It sounded like he was advising me and trying to make me feel better at the same time. I wonder what he truly is. The good guy, or the bad guy in this whole thing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Vanessa's POV
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hey Ander," I said, flicking my fingers to get his attention. His gaze was directed in another direction. Wren's direction. He slowly smiled for himself. I was taken aback. Unfair. So unfair. Do I simply not exist in his eyes? For years I have fought to get this far, to get this close to him. I changed my style for his sake, just so we could remain a close relationship- I even changed my personality...and yet... he looks away...towards a girl who barely pays attention to him. Every day I have been wondering how to get his attention, how to make him interested. How to make him close to someone who used to be a nobody. That's why I had to change. To make myself way better than a simple no one. Someone people would talk to and not avoid. Someone beautiful, elegant. Someone who could keep up with him. Someone who could match up with him.
I feel sick. I can't stand it. Alexander is extra nice to her. He let her drag him in any direction. He listens carefully when she speaks. He always looks towards her direction. And not mine.

"Hey, Alexander. What do you think of that Wran girl? Isn't she just lame? She is playing cool in front of everyone but when it comes to the part... she runs away." Serina said, Alexanders old ex.
"Don't say that. She is not like that. She is so nice and such a funny person. You shouldn't speak of her like that, especially if you can't even tell what her name is. Makes you seem pretty ignorant, Selena" He told her with a frown.

"you are too nice Alexander," I told him. He responded with a smile. Would he have done the same if someone badmouthed me? I wonder about that.
"You seem to like her," She said, putting her right arm on his shoulder. I stood up from my seat, ready to do anything that could make her go away. To step away from the Alexander who is no longer her's.

"Yeah. I told you didn't I? She is a nice person" He told her, brushing her arm off. Did Alexander reject her... directly by himself?
"Hey Essa, you ain't hungry?" Alexander asked with a worried look.
"Sorry I just dozed off," I said with a small smile.
"Then eat up or you are going to be thinner then what you already are," He told me, taking the spoon and stuffed food in my mouth. It was like I had butterflies in my stomach, flying wildly. I could feel my face heating up, I was blushing.

"I need to go to the restroom for a bit. Excuse me" I said, rushing towards the toilets. That was too sudden. I thought my heart would stop right in that millisecond. Okay! I need to go back. No, no, no. It would seem weird if I come back so quickly. I will just count to 100 and then go. It felt like forever, but I managed to get the courage to go back. I corrected my flat hat, moving it a tiny bit more to the side. Here I come Alexnder! I couldn't help but think for myself on the way out. I am so happy that I could dance right now! A big grin formed on my face. When I reached the table and saw that Alexander wasn't there, I felt like running away once again. I went to the table and asked the girls where he went. Amanda pointed towards a direction. The same direction where Wren sat. Afraid of looking, I turned my head anyway. Seeing a scene that broke me into pieces. I froze and watched as Alexander was feeding Wren the same way he did to me, but this time he was laughing so hard, looking like someone who was enjoyed himself. Why do they look so close? Even closer than us. I am supposed to be standing there. Not her.