SWEET (Lesbian)

SWEET 4

SWEET 4

I walk slowly upstairs to my apartment a little confused. Okay, a lot confused. Then I start laughing, I probably look like a crazy person but I feel like one. I just got to second base with Nika. Oh, my god. I have to tell someone! … Instinctively my hand reaches for my phone and I start to dial Ally's cell. I stop midway, I can't tell anyone. What will Ally thing? I know shes my best friend and I wanted to tell her a few days ago but... being with Nika has changed everything. Its just so real, who I am, what I'm doing. If Ally rejects me I don’t know what I would do. The guilt weighs on me heavily because for the first time ever I'm consciously hiding myself from Ally. The curse of being in the closet.

I open the door to find Marc and his douche hockey friends in the living room drinking dad's beer and watching T.V. They stare at me and then in unison I see their eyes move to my neck and chest.

“Whoa, Lil' Saint got some!” David laughs pointing at my hickeys. I blush ignoring him.

“Damn! All grown up!” Francis sniggers, “Hit me up with some of that sometime baby.” I look at Marc and he's not meeting my eyes. So much for being a protective older brother.

“Piss off.” I mumble, drawing another round of laughter and “oooing”. I head to my room to do some homework and then sleep. I barely get any done because they're partying all night. W ell, actually it's mainly because I'm thinking about Nika. I fall back on to my bed kicking away my text books and snuggle into my pillow. The memory of her on my bed just a few days ago is fresh in my mind. She knew I liked her... and she didn't freak out. In fact, she kissed me! I giggle into my pillow and sigh. Are we- Just what are we? Am I just a f*ck buddy? I mean... we haven’t even had ... My face burns hot at the thought. She says we're just having fun. Is that all I am? A good time? I groan turning over and see the time is 12:01. Time for bed. I shower, change and brush my teeth. I pause to look in the mirror. Barely noticeable bags line my eyes, revealing the fact that I haven’t slept for a while. I do note that my skin finally cleared up and looks better than it has since I hit puberty, Thank god for acne medicine. I know I'm not as hot as Nika. No way I could be. I mean only 1% of the population even comes close to her. But, shes still just a girl. The though hits me like a ton of bricks. Nika may be perfect, irritatingly so, but shes still just a teenage girl. She must be just as confused as me even though she doesn't act it. Its a comforting thought to view Nika as vulnerable, just scared and confused like the rest of us. I finally fall into an uneasy sleep promising myself I'm going to talk to Nika about us in the morning.

I wake up to the blaring of my alarm and a call from Ally reminding me to give her shirt back. I put on a scarf to cover up the marks Nika made from yesterday and grab my backpack. I'm nervous about seeing her but I'm determined to get some answers. Some sense of whats going on. My dad greets me as I enter the kitchen and I kiss him on the cheek. He's still wearing his uniform so he must have just came back from working all night. I sit next to him and start eating breakfast in a hurry. I want to get to school asap.

“Saint, I want you to ride with Marc to school from now on.” My dad says, exhaustion evident in his voice. Marc sits up alert and glares at me.

“What- Dad! No way, I'm giving the guys a ride.” Marc whines and I get a whiff of beer from his breath. Ew.

“Look there's been a string of muggings around this area. She is not taking a public bus, got it?” There’s authority in Dad's voice and it shuts Marc up, but doesn’t stop him from rolling his eyes.