Come Inside

XI

WORDS that were said by Royce Jacob are still echoing inside Elaine's head like a broken record playing the same part over and over again. It kept on making her feel like a fool for crying helplessly inside her dark room. Hindi nga niya alam kung ilang oras na siyang nagmumukmok sa loob ng kanyang kuwarto. Ni pagbukas nga ng ilaw ay hindi na niya ginawa dahil sa bigat ng kanyang nararamdaman.

Ayaw na niyang isipin ang mga iyon pero kusa talagang paulit-ulit sa kanyang utak. She doesn't want anymore pain. She wants everything to stop. She wants to be free from memories, from Royce Jacob, from pressure, from pain - everything. Elaine's fucking tired of everything.

Every time Elaine closes her eyes, she clearly sees Royce Jacob's pained expression as he explains himself to her. He was pitiful, but she was so mad. Pinagmukha siya nitong tanga! Ginawang bobo sa katotohanan. Why didn't she know? Bakit hindi niya nahalata? Was she too blinded by the fact that she loves Jacob so much? Ginawa ba siyang tanga ng pag-ibig?

"Happy thoughts, Elaine. Happy thoughts." Bulong niya sa kanyang sarili habang nakikita niya ang mukha ni Jacob sa kanyang isipan, kahit naririnig pa rin niya ang mga salitang binitawan nito.

ELAINE forcefully closed the door, slamming it, causing it to create a very loud noise startling her block mates. Her block mates cursed at her for shocking them but she didn't give a damn. She's pissed and no one should ever stand in her way. Damn Jacob for being an class A asshole for telling her he likes her yet she saw him with Raicca, his arms around her shoulders as if they were a couple and were laughing like they owned the world. And it made her mad that she's not in Raicca's place. And what made her madder was that she couldn't understand her feelings. Yes, she had crush on Jacob. And she liked Kael more than a friend.

"Nagdadabog? Galit ka? Ano? Masakit ba? Bakit hindi ka crush ng crush mo?" Tumawa si Camille na nasa harapan, bakante ang upuan nito sa tabi dahil doon nakaupo si Elaine. "Naka-distract ka pa ata ng klase sa kabila. Bakit ba mukhang Biyernes Santo 'yang pagmumukha mo?"

"Paano nga si Ja - Kael, napakapaasa!" She almost slipped the name Jacob and thankfully she noticed it immediately so that she can change it to Kael. She knew Camille will tease her again if she heard Jacob come out of her mouth.

The day before that day, Kael waited for her class to finish. Sinalubong pa nga siya nito sa pinto na napakaluwag ng ngiti. Inaya siya nito sa isang restaurant kaya medyo kinilig si Elaine. Medyo. Her mind was with Jacob who had said "I like you" to her, who made her heart pump like a mad man. But Kael was there, her heart was also pumping so fast because that was her first date with Kael. She didn't want to assume but it felt like it was a date for how Kael treated her as a princess; he opened up the car door for her, held her so close to his body. But heck! When they reached the restaurant, a girl immediately hugged Kael, clinging onto his neck, kissing him on his cheeks. Her mouth fell agape. Who's that girl? Kael introduced the girl as Trinity, his girlfriend. And upon hearing the word girlfriend, she felt she was betrayed. She thought... She thought their feelings were mutual. She thought he liked her too. She assumed because he acted like he does! Fuck him!